A NOTE FROM CAROLYN:  This is a letter from a distraught reader that I first answered in my blog. It drew the highest number of comments of any topic to date. Because of that conversation, I’ve clarified the original post a bit in order to address some of those points. One thing that’s important to note ahead of time is that this reader has a strong desire for marriage (which is good) but also a strong temptation to sin because she’s weary of carrying a hope deferred. In addressing the temptation to rebel against God’s standards, I am certainly not saying she should remain single! Far from it! I prayed for her when I received this letter, I prayed for her when I answered it, and I prayed for her again as I edited this column. My prayers were that she, like all of us, would receive grace to withstand temptation now and the blessing of a believing husband in the (near!) future.

QUESTION:  I will be celebrating my 39th birthday in a couple of months time and have only had one boyfriend. I have kept myself 'so well' all these years and have not messed around that some Christian friends have told me that if ever I was to fall and sleep with a man they would be devastated. My family too knows about my state by observing me and they tell the younger ones to emulate me. I am not praising myself, but just want you to know how much I have tried to keep myself clean for myself and my husband to be.

However, my major problem now is that I don't know how much longer I can continue holding on and believing God for a husband. I just moved to a new country and the culture here is not as friendly as back home. I have been struggling with loneliness and am even thinking that I will just get any man merely for the sake of companionship. I know all about not being unequally yoked with a non-believer, but the brothers in Church are not interested in me so what am I expected to do? Sometimes I wonder whether God even listens to me - maybe He is busy with other more important people. I have been a born again, God-fearing and Spirit-filled Christian since I was a teen and know the Bible very well and also know that my thoughts and feelings are not correct, but it is hard to think otherwise.

I am not sure that I can continue any longer being alone. I guess whatever man comes my way will be the one I will link myself to, Christian or non-Christian, even if his intentions with me are far from holy. I will just go ahead and, well, God will punish me. I have come to a point where I just cannot bear it any more.

ANSWER: As soon as I saw the title of your e-mail, I said, "Yes, you can go on. By God's grace, you can." And that kept repeating as I read your letter. Believe me, I understand the temptation you are feeling and the discouragement that is undermining you. I want to share a few very important things with you and I hope you can hear the gentleness and empathy that are behind them: