It is so easy to talk negatively about others who have hurt you, and equally easy to listen. There is such comfort in finding someone who can instantly relate to all of the challenges you have faced. And the cathartic experience – wow! How can something this innocent leave you feeling down?

The Bible says much about this “little sin.” “Do not go about spreading slander among your people” (Leviticus 19: 16). The Apostle Timothy says, “They get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not” (1 Timothy 5: 13).

Finally, telling war stories does little to create a positive environment for dating. Who wants to hear about the bad, or the good, of previous dates or marriages? When we are truly honest, who really wants to hear all the wrongs their ex has done to the person with whom we’re spending the evening? Wouldn’t you rather talk about something upbeat and edifying? Consider the words of the Apostle Paul:

“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent and praiseworthy – think about such things” (Philippians 4: 8).

I have a suggestion for Christian singles – let’s make a pact to move forward in our dating relationships. Let’s keep the conversation on the here and now, not where we’ve been. Let’s get to know one another on the merits of who they are today. We’ll all feel a lot better for it.

David Hawkins, PhD., has worked with couples and families to improve the quality of their lives by resolving personal issues for the last 30 years. 

He is the author of over 18 books, including  "Love Lost: Living Beyond a Broken Marriage," "Saying It So He'll Listen," and  "When Pleasing Others Is Hurting You." His newest book is titled "When the Man in Your Life Can’t Commit."  Dr. Hawkins grew up in the beautiful Pacific Northwest and lives with his wife on Puget Sound, where he enjoys sailing, biking, and skiing. He has active practices in two Washington cities. 

For more information, please visit www.YourRelationshipDoctor.com.