God treasures your spouse, just as He treasures you. And you must treasure Him even more than you love your spouse, as He "fills everything in every way" (Eph. 1:23). Jesus tell us in Luke14:26, "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters -- yes, even his own life -- he cannot be my disciple." These verses sound strange to many people, but if you love God more than you love each other you will ultimately have a happier marriage. You will more naturally put the other's needs first because you know it pleases the Lord.

Laughter is medicine  

Another jewel of advice I learned from a newly-married friend was to laugh every day. "It makes the tough times easier, and it's hard to get irritated at each other when you are laughing together," she told me. So my husband and I make a point of doing fun activities together, whether it's canoeing or playing a board game. It helps to have an outlet to relax together, and laughter comes easily this way. Also, my husband has an annoyingly genius way of making me laugh when I'm upset and wanting to pout. Proverbs 22:17 states, "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person's strength."

Anger left unaddressed destroys

Another important measure to take during your engagement is to see each other angry before the marriage. It is vital to see how the other person reacts when angry even if the issue at hand has nothing to do with the relationship. The way a person acts before the marriage will be the same way they act after the ceremony is over. If the one you love acts in a way displeasing God, consider if that person will be a good role model for bringing your future children to Jesus or in helping you grow closer to Him. If they react with verbal or physical abuse, the union should be put on hold.

If you are already married, seek support and counseling together. I cannot emphasize enough how important this piece of advice is -- I've seen many families shattered emotionally and spiritually by an abusive situation.

Consider your counselors

Though there are many other things I'd like to pass along, this last admonition is strictly my own. When reflecting on advice you hear, consider its source. If the person is God-honoring, and the suggestions are practical, consider what they say. If the advice comes from the person guiding the two of you through pre-marital counseling, pay close attention. But if someone obviously unhappy with their marriage is prophesying doom and gloom, close your ears! They may unconsciously be trying to take you into the darkness with them. Keep in mind that the best marriage advice comes from the One who created marriage in the first place, so grab your Bibles often!

I'm still fairly new to my role as a wife, but I've learned a lot in a short time. I’ve learned that living with a person is nothing like dating them. I've learned that life in a fallen world brings problems which I have no control over. And I've learned that marriage is often fun, frequently inspiring, and always an adventure…and that no one cares about high heels.

Originally posted May 29, 2008

Jen Booth is a social worker and a budding author. She resides with her husband in Louisiana. You can contact her at mailto:jenbooth26@aol.com.