In this chapter, the authors are not implying that women with such gifts are called to lead a family or a church. They recognize the appropriate spheres in which women are called by Scripture to use their gifts. What they want us to understand is the impact of the arrogance and lack of appreciation for others that often characterizes women with strong personalities. In plain old Christian terms, we need humility. One practical way to mortify pride is to cultivate gratitude for the contributions and gifts of others. We also need to view ourselves from another perspective and realize that relationships are more important to God than our “accomplishments.” I put that in quotes because our puny accomplishments are laughable because we do nothing on our own, anyway. God enables everything we do, including our next breath.

Instead of rushing through life, task-oriented female leaders are called to grow in love and develop understanding. One way we can do this is to redeem the time by becoming an observer of people and the world. Beginning with ourselves, we can learn to become a student of others. Instead of being satisfied with accomplishing our substantive goals while being blind to how we are relating with people, we are called to understand and to serve others in love.

To understand others and ourselves better, we can quietly ask ourselves: What nonverbal cues am I observing? Are they comfortable, or am I talking too fast? How often am I interrupting? Has everyone in the room had an opportunity to talk? Am I communicating genuine interest and care? …

Women with powerful personalities tend to experience great tension because we know we are to be humble but deep in our hearts a war rages. Even though we would probably not admit it to many people, deep down we believe that compared to others, we often know more, understand more, and have the right way to do things. Such pride leads to conflicts and broken relationships. In the words of Susan Hunt, “Pride always divides, but the cross unites.” God’s grace develops humility in us and enables us to show the world Jesus.

Finally, the authors address the tension women with strong personalities can create for those in leadership.

Women with strong personalities can be affirming to their leaders, causing them to delight in the joys of having someone who believes in them and supports them with great passion. When those times arise that women with strong personalities are called upon to submit to decisions with which they don’t agree, their same powerful personalities can cause terror in others. Leaders can fear angering strong women because they do not want to endure our wrath and disdain.

And there you have it – that last sentence sums up the intimidation factor. No one wants to endure wrath and disdain from a proud, judgmental woman. So please don’t let worldly thinking confuse competence with arrogance. We see many competent women with strong faith in Scripture. Competence is not the problem, sin is.

But there is hope for change! God’s grace can enable us all to tame the sinful aspects of a “strong personality” so that we use that same strength with compassion and love, not to dominate but to build up and serve others.

Carolyn McCulley is an author, speaker, and blogger, as well as the media specialist for Sovereign Grace Ministries. She acknowledges the kindness of her friend, Tara Klena Barthel, co-author of "Peacemaking Women," for allowing her to lean so heavily on this book for her column.