A sixth purpose is emotional release.  The sexual experience provides an outlet to pour out pent-up emotions.  In the union between a husband and wife, when they reach orgasms (either at the same time or different times) tension that has been building finds satisfaction.

And finally sex is a reflection of our desire for God.  In Sexuality and Holy Longing, Lisa McMinn says, “Sex is a spiritual metaphor for our consummate longing for God.  It is an act that can draw our hearts toward God, in whom all our longings will one day be met. …  Sex can still be an act God uses to pursue our hearts.  All longings go unfulfilled this side of heaven.”²

Because the body and soul are one, when we have sexual intercourse with someone and they touch our body, they also touch our soul.  Sexual intercourse is so much more than skin touching skin.

Rethinking Sex

Sex has often been likened to fire.  Fire is wonderful if it’s in the fireplace or the furnace to keep us warm or if it’s used for cooking, but fire can also be destructive.  When flames are out of control your house can burn to the ground.  Fire is only good or useful when used in the right context.  It’s the same with sex.

Because of the great power of sex—to be either a source of unspeakable joy and ecstasy or a source of deep pain and sorrow—God has laid out some restrictions for us.  These rules are not imposed to spoil our fun and pleasure but rather to protect something of great value.  God wants the best for us.  He designed us and knows how we are wired.  He wants to protect us from emotional pain and sexually transmitted diseases.

Think for a moment about your first impression of sex.  What did you pick up from TV, magazines and movies?  What attitude did your parents convey?  Was sex presented as a necessary evil, something to be joked about, a dirty thing to be ashamed of, a precious gift from God to be saved for marriage?  Many people say that sex was presented only as something people do to conceive children, and other than that, sex was considered a bad thing.  You may have never talked with your parents about sex, but parents can convey attitudes and feelings without words.  To never talk about sex also conveys a message.

What messages did you pick up from kids on the playground?  Chances are that know-it-all-fifth-grade boy was full of misinformation.  This is worth thinking about because you may need to consciously reject some of the erroneous ideas you were fed.  Warped views of sex have a way of persisting even when we know in our head that they are wrong.

As a kid, I always peppered my mom with questions.  When I was about eight years old, I asked my mom a bunch of questions about where babies come from.  I was persistent and pressed her to know exactly how babies got inside their mothers’ tummies.  My mom told me about sexual intercourse.  She was open, honest and matter of fact about it.  My response was, “Oh, that’s gross!  I’ll never do that!”  She laughed softly and said, “When I was your age, I felt the same way, but when you’re older and married and in love with a man, you’ll think it’s wonderful.”  That powerful statement shaped my view of sex.  It stuck with me and became the foundation of my view of sex.