God actually uses each other’s limitations, flaws, and peculiarities to help us grow in godliness. The habits that annoy or embarrass us, the sins that tempt us to anger or resentment, and the views and opinions we don’t understand about one another — all these were custom designed to help us grow in biblical womanhood. I love what Mr. Knightly says in the matchmaking comedy Emma: "Maybe it is our imperfections which make us so perfect for one another!"1
My mom and I have experienced this dynamic in our relationship. One thing you need to know about Mom is that she loves peace, order, and structure. She would say that she tends to love it too much. By contrast, I didn’t always appreciate my mom’s love for order. Thus my disorderly, haphazard way of living was a source of tension at times when I lived at home.
But things have changed since I have gotten married. Now that I have a family of my own, I love an orderly schedule and a clean house — almost as much as Mom. I’m always calling her for useful tips to simplify my life. I appreciate this strength of her character like never before. But she would also say that God used her daughters (and primarily me) to help her overcome an excessive concern with a clean and organized house. We’ve both grown in godly character, thanks to our God-ordained differences.
God didn’t design the mother-daughter relationship primarily so we could feel comfortable, like each other, and get along. He has a much higher purpose in mind. He intends for us to display and pass along biblical womanhood so that we can bring honor to the gospel.
If you grasp this truth — that God has handpicked your mother or your daughter — it can revolutionize your relationship. It settles any doubts about its validity, provides hope amidst mother-daughter conflict, and gives confidence to accomplish God’s grand purpose together, by His grace.
So the next time that pesky little question, "Why her?" casts doubt on the origin of your mother-daughter relationship, slam the door in its face. God has ordained this relationship. You are the perfect combination for passing on the language of biblical womanhood.
*Originally posted September 15, 2005. This column is part of an ongoing series on Mother-Daughter Conversations on Biblical Womanhood.
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Carolyn Mahaney is a wife, mother, homemaker, and the author of Feminine Appeal: Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother, and Girl Talk: Mother-Daughter Conversations on Biblical Womanhood . During her more than 30 years as a pastor’s wife, Carolyn has spoken to women in many churches and conferences, including those of Sovereign Grace Ministries, which her husband, C.J., leads. C.J. and Carolyn have three married daughters and one twelve-year-old son, Chad.
Nicole Mahaney Whitacre is the oldest daughter of C.J. and Carolyn Mahaney, as well as a wife, mother, and homemaker. She assisted her mother with Feminine Appeal, and is the co-author of Girl Talk. Nicole and her husband, Steve, have one son, Jack.
Carolyn and her three daughters keep a weblog for women in all seasons of life, also entitled "Girl Talk."
This column was adapted for Crosswalk from Girl Talk: Mother-Daughter Conversations on Biblical Womanhood (Crossway 2005) by Carolyn Mahaney and Nicole Mahaney Whitacre © 2005 (Used by permission of Crossway Books, a division of Good News Publishers, Wheaton, IL 60187, http://www.gnpcb.org. )
