"Make up your minds, girls! What do ya’ll want from us?" Paul, the captain of the baseball team vented—his Hollywood good looks highlighted by his deep Southern drawl. His band of brothers on the team echoed his frustration and uncertainty. And, with the ideology of chivalry left largely unsolved, class was dismissed.
Spilling into the corridor after class, continuing the conversation, a group of us soon reached the first of several double doors. Leslie and I paused while Paul held the door for us to pass through.
Take some time together with your husband and discuss your ideas of chivalry. Sometimes our ideas and expectations are different than spouse’s—thus disappointment sets in. Discuss where your ideas of chivalry originated and on what they are based.
With the overstated, fun-loving sense of style he was known for, Paul held the door with his right our hand, and, tucking his left arm in at the waist, bowed, and said, "After you, ladies!"
Born out of our discussion, Leslie screamed at Paul, "Do you think I’m not capable of opening the door myself? Call it what you want, but I call it sexist! I do not need your help!" she ranted. Not surprisingly, Leslie’s outburst drew an instant crowd. Stripped of his dignity, Paul responded in the only way possible to save face amongst his peers. Thirty years later, his response holds as much impact for me today as it did then. In the best false bravado a nineteen-year-old guy could gather, Paul replied, "Which is exactly why I am holding it open for Judy. She," he overexaggerated, "is a lady!"
Without a doubt, it was Paul’s chivalry, rather than my social graces, that elevated him past the point of retaliation. In fact, it provided him with the poise to protect the honor of that moment. How often have you seen a guy react to a situation with language and -gestures that leave you feeling defiled? Fortunately, Paul did not succumb to anger. Because his character was stronger than his temper, his chivalry conveyed value, honor, and appreciation.
Discerning Our Divine Design
Paul’s act of chivalry was a defining moment in my life, and I was so grateful God had created me to wear garments of gentility and grace. What an incredible calling! It was also my first glimpse into how a misguided feminist movement seemed determined to erase femininity and chivalry from the heart of history and its women.
For further reading on what it means to be a biblical woman today, Mary Farrar’s Choices: For Women Who Long to Discover Life’s Best (Sisters, Ore.: Multnomah, 1994) is highly recommended.
The same movement angrily opposed the belief that men were created to be gentlemen and protectors (warriors) dressed in breastplates of courage, integrity, and honor. A sense of knowing also "whispered" to me that the concept of chivalry would wither until, someday, a cry was heard to resurrect it to its rightful place in society.
