Dena Johnson Martin Christian Blog and Commentary

Four Truths about Valentine's Day

It’s Valentine’s Day!

Roses and hearts. Pink and red. All the sweet little couples enjoying their time together.

And it makes you sick. Your heart aches and you despise this time of year. While you sit alone and wonder when it will be your time, you find the tears stinging your eyes before they roll down your face.

For the divorcee, there is nothing fun about Valentine’s Day.

Trust me. I remember. I remember how the sight of the hearts left me in a sobbing mess. I remember yelling at God as I wondered when it would be my turn. I remember the pain of watching all the happy couples. I remember the Valentine dates with my kiddos.

(Actually, I went on a Valentine date with my then 98-year-old Grandpa one year. Oh, what I would do to have another date with him! And, now that my kids are older and don’t have time for Mom, I would love a date with one of my kids too. But, I digress…)

The truth is, if you are single again—whether by way of divorce or death of a spouse—Valentine’s Day can be a tough time. A lonely time. A time that evokes all the emotions you desperately want to forget.

Here’s what I want you to remember as you strive to get through another Valentine’s Day:

This is a season. Seasons come and seasons go. Seasons change…sometimes very abruptly. Here is Oklahoma, it was 70 degrees over the weekend. It’s been snow and ice and rain the last two days. We never really know what season is just around the corner.

It’s the same with our lives. You may be in a season of loneliness, but God is still with you. Our job is to embrace the season we are in, seek to get as close to God as we can, and trust Him with our future. As we get to know His heart and know it is full of good things He wants to give us, we find the strength to keep going and know He has a plan for our future—a plan filled with more good things than we could ever hope for.

During this season, learn to enjoy what you DO have. Do you have good health? Are you blessed with a family that loves you? Do you have friends who are caring and supportive? Are you surrounded by kids who love you? Do you have a good job? Do you have a church family? Think on the blessings in your life—those things that are lovely and noble and true and right—and enjoy His peace as you walk through this season.

Avoid the number one mistake of being single again. I recently asked my Facebook friends what was the number one mistake they made in the single parent life. I thought I knew the answer, but I was almost surprised how many people gave the same answer.

I started dating too soon.

Over and over, the same story was told by so many of my friends.

I felt worthless and tried to find my worth through dating.

Not healing before getting back into a relationship.

Dating. I dated a man for three years, and that took a lot of time away from my boys.

I looked to men to fill the void.

Dating too soon.

Rushing into another relationship.

I made the same mistake. Shortly after my husband moved out, I thought I was healed. I jumped into a relationship—and got hurt again. Because of the pain in my heart, I was a poor judge of character. I was so desperate to be loved, to prove to myself and my ex that I was lovable that I fell quickly. I should have taken time to heal…

I know several people (including my amazing husband) who made the mistake of getting married quickly. All three of the friends I am thinking about ended up in abusive situations. They so longed for companionship that they missed the red flags. It cost them dearly—emotionally, physically, financially.

It doesn’t matter who you are, please take time to heal. Dating because we are lonely or want to prove we are worthy of love leads to disaster.

God knows your heart’s desires. Most of us desire to have companionship. We were created for relationships. We were created for intimacy. We miss the bond we had—even if we were in an abusive situation. We long for the physical touch, the caring concern of another human.

Remember, God is the creator. He made you for relationship. He made you for intimacy. He knows what you want, what you need. He promises to fulfill our heart’s desires, but He tells us to be still and wait patiently (Psalm 34:4-8).

If God knows your heart, doesn’t it stand to reason that maybe—just maybe—He is working quietly behind the scenes to bring your heart’s desire to fruition? I love the words from the song Waymaker: Even when I can’t see it, You’re working. Even when I don’t feel it, You’re working. You never stop. You never stop working. (lyrics by Sinach)

Can I just tell you this is definitely my story? Now that I’m on the other side, I seem to have 20/20 vision. I can clearly see where God was working even when I couldn’t see it, didn’t feel it. It seemed as if He was silent. Truth is, He was doing a very special work in Roy. If He hadn’t been working, we wouldn’t be here today.

God’s timing is perfect. Again, this is my story. God saw fit to put Roy and I together at just the right time. There are so many reasons His timing was perfect, certainly something I can only see on this side. Had things happened at a different time, it would have been far more difficult. It might not have ever worked out, certainly not the way it has.

So often we get bogged down in the here and now. Our vision is clouded by our circumstances. We can’t see clearly because we see only partially, as through a veiled glass.

But, God gives us clarity—20/20 vision—in His time. When the picture finally becomes clear, we have that AH-HA moment where it all suddenly makes sense. We begin to see how God was weaving together a beautiful tapestry that took so many seemingly unrelated people and circumstances and created a beautiful mosaic.

And that’s where we come back to trusting His heart when we can’t see His hand. I promise His heart toward you is good, and He wants to give you good gifts.

We just have to let Him do it in His time and in His way.

So as you face this Valentine’s Day, remember His way is always the best. He is working something good for you even if you can’t see it today. But one day….

Love to you all!