Join My Facebook Fan Club, or the Hairy Shut-In Gets Hurt
Good morning, all!
Speaking of which, what time is it? I used to know---but then the government made us go on Daylights Savings Time.
Hmmm. Government. Savings.
Oh, noooooo. It'll probably be dark in fifteen minutes.
Anyway, hello! I'm back from my blogcation! (Patton: Cool word! Thanks!)
I shudder to think of the suffering caused you by my absence. Well, maybe not shudder. But I am vibrating like a giant, flesh-covered cell phone.
Ew. Sorry. Gross image. Unless you're an actual human cell. Then you're probably pretty pro-flesh.
Okay, right. I need coffee.
Back again! How are you? Well, that's enough about you. Let's talk now about something critical, which is you joining my Facebook fan page. If you haven't yet given yourself a Facebook page, do so now (here)---and then, once you're a Facebooker, join my fan page! Then I'll ask to be friends with you! Then you'll accept my invitation! Then we'll be e-buds! Then I'll start totally annoying you with my funny little jokes on your Facebook page! Then you'll block me! Then ... well ... then things'll get ugly. So let's not go there. Yet.
(Seriously: If you haven't yet joined Facebook, take it from me, the most resolutely anti-social person since Hermit the Crab: Facebook rocks. It's free; it's utterly unobtrusive; it's a wonderful way to stay in touch with and make new friends, and it totally lets you annoy people by leaving funny jokes and comments on their page. I joined only days ago, and you can't believe the number of people who already wish I hadn't. It's pretty much the greatest thing since carrier pigeons.)
The reasons for which you must right now join my Facebook fan page (as opposed to my regular Facebook page) are two: #1. I've asked you and everyone else in the world to do so, right here in this most public of forums. If a lot of people don't now do that, I will have been officially and irrevocably publicly embarrassed. That happens to me enough in real space and time without it also happening to me in cyberspace and time, thankyaverymuch. #2: I am at this very moment wanting some Publishing Muck-a-Mucks to think I'm Quite Popular. A Facebook fan page replete with, say, 100 Actual Fans will help make that case. A Facebook "fan club" with four members in it will help make the case that they should move past me on to some other author, whom I will then be forced to hunt down so that I can thoroughly egg his or her car.
And in today's hungry world, do you think it's right to make me waste eggs? Of course it isn't.
If you're a fan of my writing, won't you please consider joining my Facebook fan club?
Do it for yourself.
Do it for the children.
(Oh! The cool thing about the fan page is it allows me to write my "fans" all at once. Then if there's an event I'd like people to know about, or any kind of Career News, or anything I'd like to write to my peeps without having to post a whole blog thing about it, I can. Awesomeness.)