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Nicki Koziarz Christian Blog and Commentary

I Don't Always Trust

  • Nicki Koziarz


    Nicki Koziarz is a speaker, writer, and leader in today's generation. She lives just outside of Charlotte, NC with her husband and their three girls. As a leader and speaker, Nicki is willing to tackle the hard issues this generation is facing to encourage the pursuit of God's Truth in their lives. She is on staff at Proverbs 31 Ministries as the coordinator for their online Bible studies. Nicki speaks nationally for retreats, conferences, events and MOPS groups. For more information on having Nicki for your next event you can email her at: [email protected] Visit Nicki's site at: www.nickikoziarz.com

  • 2011 Sep 21
  • Comments

It was a moment my heart ached like no other.

I climbed into my red Jeep Wrangler, buckled my seat belt, put my car into reverse as fast as I could and sped down a dark country road.

The night sky was clear and every star shone so brightly. Tears poured down my face, I was in no condition to be driving. I flipped off the radio and began a fit of rage at God himself, “Why?! Why did you allow this to happen?”

I pulled over. The air was cold. I turned off the Jeep. The silence was eerie.

There was nothing I could do to change anything. What was going to be … was going to be.

Do you trust me?

The prompting on my heart of this question climbed through the layers of skepticism of who I really thought God was. Truth be told, I didn’t trust God.

I trusted Him when things were good, when life was easy, but in the lowest moment of my life?

I didn’t trust God.

I wish I could tell you that Jesus himself just showed up in my car that night and I never mistrusted God again.

But that is the furthest thing from the truth.

It would be years later before I could say I trusted God again. And even today … yes, I have trust issues with God.

Why is trusting God so hard?

There’s the obvious answer, you can’t see Him.

There’s the sensible answer, He’s mysterious.

Then there’s the overused answer, God's ways are just not our ways.

But today I’m thinking that trusting God is so much more than just a position we accept.

Trusting God is a place of response.

In my desperate situation that night what I really wanted to say to God was, “I need to trust you, more than ever.” My soul and my mouth just didn’t know how to connect that thought.

I need to trust you, Jesus.

In days where everywhere we turn there is uncertainty and fear, this practice of verbally placing our trust in Jesus can be powerful.

Today as I’m learning to trust God more, here are some things I’m saying aloud:

Jesus, I need to trust you more than ever to believe that you work all things out for your good. [Romans 8:28]

Jesus, I need to trust you more than ever to fight this battle I am facing. [Exodus 14:14]

Jesus, I need to trust you more than ever to be my God who provides beyond my limitations. [Philippians 4:19]

My heart wonders, what do you need to trust Jesus more than ever for today?

Today in the comments, lets verbally [well, virtually-verbally ;) ] say what we need to trust Jesus more for. As you leave a comment, pray for the person above you. I am praying for you too.

Let’s start a movement … a movement of trusting God more.