Entertaining too often says, “I want to impress you with my creative new recipes and the latest decorating fad and my perfectly decked-out house.” It can show that, “this is mine and this is a reflection of who I am and what I am. Admire me!” Hospitality, in turn, says, “This home is truly a gift and it may not be perfect, but come on in while I serve you and our family loves on you.” It says, “What is ours is yours. What is said around the table stays around the table.”

Entertaining often puts things before people. Hospitality puts people before things. Because hospitality has put away its self-importance, it allows our humanness to shine through.

One more thing about hospitality: It gives without expecting something in return. My husband and I have discussed this. We have served meals around our table for 15 years now, which have not always been reciprocated. Now, do we give to receive? No way! But that is one reason I began to write about hospitality. I can think of so many reluctant entertainers out there that “voice” their desire to be more hospitable, but they’re afraid to. So, how can I help the reluctant entertainer gain the confidence to take his or her God-given gift (even if it has to be nurtured), and use it?

I hope I can help by explaining further the core meaning of hospitality. My Ten Commandments spell out the word “hospitable.” How appropriate that the dictionary would define it between the words “hospice” (meaning shelter) and “hospital” (place of healing).

It’s no wonder so many people are afraid to "entertain." Wouldn’t you like to offer a place for others to heal instead?

TEN COMMANDMENTS

• Hospitality is not only a gift I have but a gift I give. Be passionate about it!
• Organization and planning ahead: Know Thy Recipe! Have a plan! Makes lists! Experience the power of delegation!
• Set the mood with your specific style of music, lighting or candles. When in doubt, ask your guests to bring their favorite music.
• Perfectionism is a robber. Lower your expectations. Your guests do not expect perfection and neither should you.
• Ignite conversation by planning ahead of time 2 or 3 specific questions and topics of conversation for your guests.
• Transform your home or meal with thrifty ways and low-cost ideas. Make garage sales and thrift or dollar stores part of your errand ritual.
• Apologizing for a perceived error in your meal just draws attention to you and pulls away from the enjoyment of the meal.
• Be yourself. Don’t compare yourself to others, but create your own style.
• Learning - always be willing to try new things. Use the Internet or library, along with your favorite cookbooks, for recipes and unique ideas. Try new recipes on your family first.
• Expect life-changing impact! Those who feed people lead people.

One final thought: People won’t always remember the meal that you cooked but they will remember the mood that was set.

Sandy Coughlin is a wife and mother of 3. She loves her family and loves blessing other people's lives by entertaining in her home. Sandy’s husband, Paul, (who used to be the reluctant entertainer) has come on board, and they often offer hospitality together. Sandy and Paul co-authored a book called