Moments for Mom
March 2009
The other morning, the first thought that popped into my head as I started to wake up was, “on your knees”. Hmm...that’s odd, I thought. Ummm, Jesus, if this is You, I’ll get on my knees during my quiet time with You in just a bit. (Yes, that’s what I said to Jesus. Nice, huh?) It felt like a good compromise seeing as a) it seemed like an odd request, b) I wasn’t sure it were even Him telling me that, and c) I had a few things on the agenda and needed to get going with my day.
Fast forward about two hours and I was sitting down for my quiet time. I did, in fact, get on my knees, next to the bed, opening my hands up in a symbolic surrendering of myself and my day. Then I sat back down in the chair with my tea and immediately felt, “on your knees.” Okay, I just got on my knees. Didn’t You just see me do that?, I asked, with a bit of attitude, as in what more do You want from me? “On your knees, in your heart,” said the Voice. Oh. Now that’s different. Wait, Jesus, am I holding something back from you that I don’t know about? My feelings were almost hurt, like when you proudly show your parents a hard-earned B and they ask why you didn’t get an A. Okay, I literally have to go now, but we’ll talk about this again. Soon.
He’s been doing that to me more lately. The whole talking-to-me thing. There are a few reasons why that I can humanly point to in an attempt to explain it. For instance, there’s a certain author that anytime I read something he’s written, this happens. And I’ve upped one of my spiritual disciplines that I had let go of for awhile. And I just decided to take the plunge and lead a missions trip to Liberia. Things like that. But then there’s the part that can’t be explained. The holy part. The part that I have nothing to do with.
I had been out of town when I first heard the request…the command…the beckoning... of “on your knees, in your heart”. And it followed me back home. I was putting laundry away and I had on my to-do list something I’m kind of embarrassed about…to finish up watching season one of a show I have recently become ever-so-slightly obsessed with. And as I was thinking to myself, ooo, I’ll do that next, I heard “on your knees, in your heart”, and I thought to myself, surely You’re not asking me to give that up…I’m almost done, and it’s a harmless show. So I pushed on past that Voice and watched it. And enjoyed it very much, thank you. Except for the guilt that was lingering over me. See, I don’t always listen.
But why wouldn’t I want to? Why wouldn’t I want to listen to the Voice? Why wouldn’t I want to do what it says?
One morning before a speaking engagement, during my quiet time, I asked what I should read…I told God I could use a little comfort, but what I really wanted was the passage He led me to years and years ago right before a speaking engagement when I was pretty scared, something about an assembly, but I didn’t want to ask for that because I didn’t actually believe He’d lead me to it and I didn’t want to be disappointed when He didn’t come through. Again, nice, right? So, I stuck with asking for comfort and He led me to Psalm 23 --- “Your rod and your staff, they comfort me”. And then my eyes drifted to Psalm 22, on the same page --- “I will declare Your name to My brethren; In the midst of the assembly I will praise You”. Whoa. That was the verse from years ago that I had hoped to run across. Really…whoa.
