Moments for Mom

 

 

March 2009

 

 

The other morning, the first thought that popped into my head as I started to wake up was, “on your knees”.  Hmm...that’s odd, I thought.  Ummm, Jesus, if this is You, I’ll get on my knees during my quiet time with You in just a bit.  (Yes, that’s what I said to Jesus.  Nice, huh?)  It felt like a good compromise seeing as a) it seemed like an odd request, b) I wasn’t sure it were even Him telling me that, and c) I had a few things on the agenda and needed to get going with my day.

 

 

 

Fast forward about two hours and I was sitting down for my quiet time.  I did, in fact, get on my knees, next to the bed, opening my hands up in a symbolic surrendering of myself and my day.  Then I sat back down in the chair with my tea and immediately felt, “on your knees.”  Okay, I just got on my knees.  Didn’t You just see me do that?, I asked, with a bit of attitude, as in what more do You want from me?  “On your knees, in your heart,” said the Voice.  Oh.  Now that’s different.  Wait, Jesus, am I holding something back from you that I don’t know about?  My feelings were almost hurt, like when you proudly show your parents a hard-earned B and they ask why you didn’t get an A.  Okay, I literally have to go now, but we’ll talk about this again.  Soon.

 

 

 

He’s been doing that to me more lately.  The whole talking-to-me thing.  There are a few reasons why that I can humanly point to in an attempt to explain it.  For instance, there’s a certain author that anytime I read something he’s written, this happens.  And I’ve upped one of my spiritual disciplines that I had let go of for awhile.  And I just decided to take the plunge and lead a missions trip to Liberia.  Things like that.  But then there’s the part that can’t be explained.  The holy part.  The part that I have nothing to do with.

 

 

 

I had been out of town when I first heard the request…the command…the beckoning... of “on your knees, in your heart”.  And it followed me back home.  I was putting laundry away and I had on my to-do list something I’m kind of embarrassed about…to finish up watching season one of a show I have recently become ever-so-slightly obsessed with.  And as I was thinking to myself, ooo, I’ll do that next, I heard “on your knees, in your heart”, and I thought to myself, surely You’re not asking me to give that up…I’m almost done, and it’s a harmless show.  So I pushed on past that Voice and watched it.  And enjoyed it very much, thank you.  Except for the guilt that was lingering over me.  See, I don’t always listen.

 

 

 

But why wouldn’t I want to?  Why wouldn’t I want to listen to the Voice?  Why wouldn’t I want to do what it says? 

 

 

 

One morning before a speaking engagement, during my quiet time, I asked what I should read…I told God I could use a little comfort, but what I really wanted was the passage He led me to years and years ago right before a speaking engagement when I was pretty scared, something about an assembly, but I didn’t want to ask for that because I didn’t actually believe He’d lead me to it and I didn’t want to be disappointed when He didn’t come through.  Again, nice, right?  So, I stuck with asking for comfort and He led me to Psalm 23 --- “Your rod and your staff, they comfort me”.  And then my eyes drifted to Psalm 22, on the same page --- “I will declare Your name to My brethren; In the midst of the assembly I will praise You”.  Whoa.  That was the verse from years ago that I had hoped to run across.  Really…whoa.