• Don’t make selfish demands on your spouse. Realize that attempts at manipulation only lead to resentment — not cooperation.

• Don’t make disrespectful judgments. Seek to understand and respect your spouse’s opinions as much as your own. Remember that God has brought you together to complement each other.

• Avoid angry outbursts. Rely on God’s grace to help you deal with issues calmly and rationally.

• Be honest with each other. Build trust by avoiding dishonesty and responding gracefully to the truth (even if it’s hard to hear).

• Eliminate annoying habits. List habits that irritate each other, then work to stop doing things that disturb each other.

• Act interdependently — not independently. Realize that your marriage is a partnership. Let your decisions reflect as much concern for your spouse as for yourself. Avoid the mindset that declares, “You do your thing, and I’ll do mine.”

• Establish a policy of joint agreement. Never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse. Before you make a decision, ask your spouse how he or she feels about what you would like to do. If you disagree about something, try to negotiate, setting ground rules about being respectful and positive while you discuss the issue. Identify the problem at hand from both of your perspectives. Write down your thoughts to clarify them before speaking. Brainstorm solutions together. If you arrive at an impasse, stop negotiating and schedule a later time to begin again. But if you find that your spouse is not persuaded, don’t go forward with your idea. Remember, your children learn to be thoughtful — or not — by watching how you and your spouse interact.

• Create a child-training plan together. This plan should describe goals for your children’s development, and methods you’ll use to help guide them. Clearly explain rules — and the reasons behind them — to your children. Be consistent in your discipline. Make sure you discipline in ways that are appropriate for your children’s ages. Reach agreement with your spouse about discipline issues before acting so you can present a united front to your children.