• Mutually decide how you will divide childcare and household chores. List every task that you each want done, mention when it should be accomplished, identify which spouse wants it accomplished, and rate how important it is to each of you to see each task accomplished. Then take responsibility for the tasks you each would most prefer to do, and assign the remaining tasks to the spouse who most wants them done — or hire someone else to do them. Ask your children to help both of you out, and surprise your spouse once in a while by doing one of his or her assigned chores as a gift.

• When you need to add a new responsibility to your schedule, drop an existing one. Prioritize your time to avoid burnout.

• Continually seek to develop a lifestyle that’s enjoyable for both of you. Be creative and flexible through this process.

Adapted from "His Needs, Her Needs for Parents," © 2003 by Willard F. Harley, Jr. Published by Fleming H. Revell, a division of Baker Book House Co., 1-800-877-2665, www.bakerbooks.com. Willard F. Harley, Jr., is a nationally acclaimed clinical psychologist and marriage counselor and the best-selling author of "His Needs, Her Needs."  He leads Marriage Builders Weekends across the United States and lives in White Bear Lake, Minnesota, with Joyce, his wife of 40 years.