• Envision a brighter future. Imagine the possibilities that lie ahead for you; dare to dream of a better life. Believe that God has a good future filled with new hope in store for you. Plan how you'd like to move forward into that future, relying on God's strength. Figure out what specific types of help you'll need, and what new skills you'll need to acquire to move forward. Accept that help and begin learning those new skills. Walk into your future one step at a time, knowing that you'll make progress with every step you take.

• Let God help you forgive. Know that forgiving your abuser is necessary for your own healing and relationship with God. Understand that forgiveness doesn't mean excusing wrong behavior or minimizing its consequences. Instead, forgiveness means letting go of the memories and bitterness the abuse has caused you, and deciding that your past will no longer control your present.

Remember that God has forgiven you for all your sins and will help you move through the process of forgiving the person who abused you. Realize that forgiveness opens the door for God to move you into a healthier future.

• Seek wisdom when deciding whether or not to reconcile with the one who abused you. Make sure that your abuser has demonstrated strong accountability and thorough change before you consider restoring your relationship with him or her. Understand that, if you are to reconcile, you should feel stronger, safe to voice your own opinions, and able to live without fear or the threat of violence. You need to be valued for who you are and have your skills and talents appreciated and respected. Ask the Holy Spirit to give you wisdom about whether to reconcile, and if so, when.

Adapted from Refuge from Abuse: Healing and Hope for Abused Christian Women, copyright 2004 by Nancy Nason-Clark and Catherine Clark Kroeger. Published by InterVarsity Press, Downers Grove, Ill., www.ivpress.com.

Nancy Nason-Clark is professor of sociology at University of New Brunswick and author of The Battered Wife: How Christians Confront Family Violence.

Catherine Clark Kroeger is adjunct professor of classical and ministry studies at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary. With James Beck she edited Women, Abuse and the Bible and Healing the Hurting, and with Mary J. Evans she edited The IVP Women's Bible Commentary. Nason-Clark and Kroeger are also the authors of No Place for Abuse (IVP).