The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task.  Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money.  He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church?  He must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil.  Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil. Deacons likewise must be dignified, not double-tongued, not addicted to much wine, not greedy for dishonest gain.  They must hold the mystery of the faith with a clear conscience.  And let them also be tested first; then let them serve as deacons if they prove themselves blameless. 

Are the men you are interested in seeking to pursue and grow in these character traits? We shouldn’t expect perfection, but we should look at the trajectory of their lives. Where are they directing their time and efforts? Are they seeking to grow? Are they cultivating self-control? Are they aiming to be respectable? Are they trying to be hospitable? (I don’t mean that they throw ten-course dinner parties. I mean, do they make people feel welcome – are they observant of the needs of those around them?) And so on, right until the last point:  Have they been tested? Testing doesn’t mean that these men have performed flawlessly on each and every character trait listed above, but that they have allowed examination and have gained the approval of others around them for their commitment to spiritual growth.

Ladies, this is where we can find protection in our local churches. Watching a man’s commitment to the Bride of Christ is going to help us discern how he will interact with an earthly bride. We can evaluate many things about a man’s character through serving together in church before we invest any of our emotions into a relationship with him. We really want to marry men who love one person more than they love us – Jesus. And if they love Jesus, they are going to love His bride. Does the Bride of Christ get consistent attention and time from this man? Does the Bride of Christ receive his financial support? Does the Bride of Christ benefit from a consistent relationship, or does this man only show up in church sporadically? Does he want to sacrifice his leisure time to serve the Bride of Christ through participating in her ministries? Does he love the Body of Christ by caring for a wide variety of her members – or is he only interested in meeting the more attractive, eligible members? Is he faithful to the Bride of Christ or does he hop from church to church and meeting to meeting? (And can the same be said of us?)