[Major update! I can get online at this class! I'm gonna Twitter what it's like here if the "instructor" doesn't mind my totally not paying attention and goofing around online while, I guess, he tries out his nightclub material on the class. Right now it's me and six other people sitting in this shabby "meeting room" at a hotel that ain't exactly the Ritz-Carlton. Pretty grim. I'll keep you posted.]

This morning I'm off to a one-day, eight-hour traffic class. Awhile back a camera snapped a photo of me running a red light. It was by literally inches; it was a huge intersection so I could see how safe it was; the intersection was at the bottom of long hill; I had some doink speeding behind me---but whatever. I did run the light. Fair is fair. Plus, I know CA needs all the money it can wring out of its every last citizen. So I'm good for helping with that.

And man, did I ever. I had to pay $450 bucks, right off. (And that's the first traffic/driving violation I've gotten since I was sixteen.) Keeping it off my record so my insurance rates wouldn't go up meant paying the state another $50---and this morning I'll have to pay another $40 for the class itself.

When you go to choose from the available state-sanctioned traffic classes, what you find is that even though there seems to be a lot of different people putting on the classes, they all have the exact same cheap website template---and the exact same contact number. It's obviously one company pretending to be a lot of different companies. And on its site, each faux-company makes a huge point of telling you how the class involves no test whatsoever; how you won't have to do anything but watch "fun" movies; how all the presenters are hilarious comedians; how you get pizza and/or tickets to comedy shows; and how long the two breaks are.

Oh--and that for payment they only accept cash.

I don't know why Arnold Schwarzenegger doesn't just come to my house, pin me down, tickle me, and steal my wallet.

If California traffic school isn't a monster scam, I'll eat my ticket.

But whaddaya gonna do? Anyway, I'll let you know about my experience at traffic "school."

Love to you guys.

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