Finding Family Time
- Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Life in the 21st century presents us with a wide array of options for how to spend our time. The way we allocate our time largely determines what we accomplish. For those of us in ministry, the stakes are even higher because our choices affect so many people. In his book Balancing Life’s Demands, J. Grant Howard sets forth what he calls “Howard’s law”:
Requests will always exceed resources. Doing good is
imperative. Doing everything is impossible.
Every conscientious man in the ministry struggles with where to draw the line on fulfilling others’ requests and how to make time to minister to his own family. The ministry’s demands can be overwhelming. There is no shortage of disconsolate people who need biblical solutions. We must not forget that our own family members have the very same needs.
In the divine scheme of relationships, our Lord intended for the pastor’s family, not the church, to be his priority ministry. The pastor is a family man, as evidenced by the qualifications laid out in I Timothy 3 and Titus 1. In part, his family either qualifies him for or disqualifies him from being one who can model Truth to the Lord’s people. If being a pastor simply involved telling people what to do, any gifted orator could handle that. However, the Lord expects pastors to flesh out the Truth in their family lives by being incarnational examples.
No pastor can hope to be a good example if he does not make time for those he loves. And at the top of his list must be his wife, his partner in love, in parenting, and in ministry. I have a plaque in my study that reads: “The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” Our wives endure the unique stresses of the “parsonage,” and they need to know that we cherish them as our best friends. The early biblical command for husbands to “cheer up” or “bring happiness” to their wives (Deuteronomy 24:5) can only be carried out as we spend time with them and demonstrate that we are committed to pleasing them. (See I Corinthians 7:33.) Doing simple things, such as taking time to go for a walk, can tell your wife that she is important.
A pastor must be committed to the ongoing courtship of his wife, by spending time to go out on dates with her regularly and by providing “chat” time to find out how her day has gone. Since our bodies belong to our spouses (I Corinthians 7:4), it’s important that we give our ears to our wives, not just our mouths! The pastor as a family man must be willing to listen to his wife when she shares concerns that he is becoming too busy with ministry responsibilities and not spending enough time at home.
Next, a pastor also must carve out time in his schedule for his children. How many pastors’ kids have wondered where they are on their dad’s priority list! I know that mine have at times. How many pastors have felt the pangs of guilt from knowing they’re not spending enough time with their children! I still struggle with slicing the time “pie” into sufficient quantities to provide for each of our nine children. Yet, my wife and I keep working at it!
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