The pastorate can be a lonely place — and it is tempting to establish an inner circle of close friends. Eventually, people in the circle may feel threatened by others and leave the church, or those outside the circle may feel neglected and seek another church. If our relationship with Christ is what it ought to be, our relationships with others will be what they ought to be too.

 

Do not neglect your wife and family. I once met a pastor who boasted about having something going on at his church every night of the week. That is a sure formula for family disaster. It has been reported that the wife of an internationally known pastor was asked what it was like to be married to him. She replied, “It is like being divorced!” Though difficult, maintaining a balance between ministry and family responsibilities is possible. Conflicts will occur, and in each case you will need wisdom to decide whether to give your immediate attention to the ministry or to your family. Sometimes the answer will fall on the side of the ministry, and sometimes it will fall on the side of the family.

 

Someone has said that the position of a pastor’s wife is one of the most stressful a woman can hold. In an effort to alleviate her stress, I have assured my wife throughout my ministry that after pleasing the Lord, my main goal is to please her.

 

Develop a sense of humor

Do not take yourself too seriously. I am not suggesting that you be frivolous, but that you see humor in situations which otherwise could be tense or embarrassing. Learn to laugh at yourself. You are human; let your humanity show through. If you take everything seriously, you will become a person of sour disposition; and no one, including your wife, will want to be around you. There are plenty of things to be serious about — but do not be afraid to let up a little on things that are not. You must laugh a lot in order to survive.

 

Be grateful for the opportunity

One danger of a long same-church ministry is that the pastor may come to the point where he almost thinks he owns the church rather than seeing his tenure as a gracious opportunity offered him by the Lord and the people of the congregation. Just as love can cover a multitude of sins, so can gratitude — for it is an outpouring of love. Where there is genuine love of a pastor for his Lord and his people, there will be an attitude of gratitude and rejoicing.

 

If you think you have a bad situation, talk with other pastors about theirs. You will be grateful that you are where you are and not elsewhere.

 

Know when you have been there long enough

When your health or your effectiveness begins to wane, it may be time to leave that ministry. Sadly, some pastors cling to their pulpits too long. Perhaps they are comfortable and well taken care of and too old to become senior pastor at another church.  Perhaps it is difficult to consider leaving. You can kill a church by hanging on. It is better to leave when the congregation wants you to stay than it is to stay when they wish you would leave.

 

David Yearick, Pastor Emeritus of Hampton Park Baptist Church in Greenville, South Carolina, was called as senior pastor each year for his 39 years in the ministry there.