And now, here are a few things that the sweet girls I get to share community with wished they would have heard along their difficult journeys...

“We love you and we support you.”

“I wish when the abuse was the worst that someone had helped me to leave. I wish that the bruises had prompted someone to ask if we were safe.”

"I’m coming over Saturday to mow your lawn and put air in your tires. You are not alone."

“You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers."

"How are you doing as a single mom?”

“Even if you mess up everything – which I don’t think you’re doing, by the way – I’m not going anywhere.”

“I secretly wish the church would have forced him out of church leadership when they witnessed his behavior instead of ignoring it. They were too afraid to punish him because they needed his musical skills - they admitted that to me.”

“I know he had to make his own decisions, but I wish the male leaders in my church would have contacted my husband to try to get him into fellowship with them and pray for him. Some of our problems may have been worked out. Instead they waited for him to come and ask for help (which he never did). I know they prayed for him, but I wish someone would have reached out to him.”

“I wished my pastor would look at my husband and demand that he be totally and completely up front with me and be a little more forceful about it.”

“I wish I had been told it was not all my fault. My husband blames me for everything and that feeling of blame and being unworthy kept me stuck for far longer than it should have.”

“Honestly I think I just wish someone would say, ‘It's okay; I believe you!’”

Our words can wound and our words can heal. You probably know someone in your life who is in a difficult Christian marriage. And you have the power to help keep her in her current state of pain and shame or to help move her to a place of healing and renewal and peace. 

What is it going to be?

Elisabeth K. Corcoran is mom to Sara (16) and Jack (14-1/2).  She loves spending time with her kids, her friends, reading and writing.  She is the author of At the Corner of Broken & Love: Where God Meets Us in the Everyday; One Girl, Third World: One Woman’s Journey into Social Justice; He Is Just That Into You: Stories of a Faithful God who Pursues, Engages, and Has No Fear of Commitment; In Search of Calm: Renewal for a Mother’s Heart; and Calm in My Chaos: Encouragement for a Mom’s Weary Soul.  All these books can be purchased on Amazon.com in paperback or Kindle.

Visit her website and her blog.

You can follow her on Twitter at ekcorcoran or friend her on Facebook.

If you are in a difficult marriage or find yourself going through a difficult divorce, I have created two private groups on Facebook that I would like to invite you to. Simply email me at elisabethkcorcoran@gmail.com, let me know if you're interested in the married group or separated/divorced group, then send me a friend request on Facebook. If you're in need of some encouragement, I invite you to join us.

Elisabeth is a proud Member of Redbud Writer's Guild.

Publication date: January 15, 2013