But since she’s (gasp!) poor and not what they had in mind for Arthur, his mom, Susan and even his beloved nanny (Helen Mirren, who’s way too good for this drivel) are doing all they can to keep them apart. Even Susan’s best efforts at seducing Arthur are completely rebuffed, which means he really must love Naomi, right? As expected, the storyline only grows more illogical before completely descending into extremely cheesy, very predictable territory that anyone, even a movie novice, could see coming from a mile away.

The biggest problem with Arthur isn’t even the acting, lackluster script or the total waste of decent talent like Mirren, Garner and Gerwig, though. It’s that it never needed remaking in the first place. If anything, the story of an immature rich guy who drinks too much, sleeps around and lacks any ambition isn’t all that shocking anymore. Appalling? Yes. Shocking? No. After all, a quick glance at the magazines lining your local supermarket’s checkout counter is chock full of these tales of excess each and every week, which basically saves anyone even remotely tempted to see Arthur a few dollars and a couple of precious hours—two particularly valuable commodities when a movie’s this lame.

CAUTIONS:

  • Drugs/Alcohol: Arthur admittedly has a drinking problem and is rarely seen without his flask. Drug use and crack houses are referenced but nothing more.
  • Language/Profanity: Sh--, go-dam-, as-, he--, da--, bit--, basically everything but the “f” word, plus several crude references to male anatomy.
  • Sex/Nudity: Arthur is also known for his sexual escapades, sometimes even entertaining two girls at a time. No nudity is shown, just Arthur in skimpy underwear in a couple of scenes. In one lengthy scene, Susan attempts to seduce Arthur but ends up getting stuck to his bed that’s made of magnets instead.
  • Violence: Only of a comedic variety.

 

Christa Banister is a full-time freelancer writer, specializing in music, movies and books-related reviews and interviews and is the author of two novels, Around the World in 80 Dates and Blessed Are the Meddlers. Based in Dallas, Texas, she also weighs in on various aspects of pop culture on her personal blog

For more information, including her upcoming book signings and sample chapters of her novels, check out her Website.