Worse yet, one the film’s only pleasures is from someone you wouldn’t have necessarily blamed for phoning in his performance, namely Oscar winner Christoph Waltz (Water for Elephants) who plays Richelieu. Deliciously dastardly and downright hammy in every single scene he’s in, especially when playing chess all by himself, it’s the all-too-brief comic relief the story desperately needed throughout (Orlando Bloom, take note).

It’s then—and only then—where The Three Musketeers is remotely worth revisiting. Even the somewhat laughable 1993 incarnation starring Chris O’Donnell, Charlie Sheen and Kiefer Sutherland is far better—and for anyone who’s seen it, that’s saying something rather profound indeed.

CAUTIONS:

  • Drugs/Alcohol: Social drinking, even to the point of drunkenness, is depicted in several scenes.
  • Language/Profanity: Not extensive, but there are a few uses of da--, as-, sh--, he-- and instances where God’s name is misused.
  • Sex/Nudity: Some sexual innuendo, plus the women’s period costumes display quite a bit of cleavage.
  • Violence: Lots of swordplay, gunfire and scenes where people are stabbed, strangled or kicked and punched around. The violence isn’t overly bloody, but it’s pervasive. Like many movies of this ilk, there’s really not much regard for human life.
  • Thematic Material/Religion: One of musketeers, who used to be a priest, says the Lord’s Prayer before he kills someone. When it doesn’t seem like the musketeers have anything left to fight for, he briefly contemplates getting back into the priesthood but isn’t sure he can live up to the high moral standards of a “man of the cloth.”
     

Christa Banister is a full-time freelancer writer, specializing in music, movies and books-related reviews and interviews and is the author of two novels, Around the World in 80 Dates and Blessed Are the Meddlers. Based in Dallas, Texas, she also weighs in on various aspects of pop culture on her personal blog

For more information, including her upcoming book signings and sample chapters of her novels, check out her Website.