Blades of Glory will undoubtedly drive our kids into theaters in droves. And there are funny, but sick, moments in the film.  For instance, at one point, Chazz has ten seconds to get onto the ice before being disqualified, so he throws a jock strap over a cable and slides down onto the ice – in his skates! – clunking and injuring the screaming fans in the stands as he passes by.  You get the idea. …

The violence is slapstick, but plentiful.  At one point, the coach shows the skaters a video of a risky move ("The Iron Lotus") that was tried in North Korea, only to end up beheading one of the skaters.  When the pair tries the move with mannequins, we see mannequin heads strewn about all over the ice.  Yes, the world of teenage humor will be with us forever.

As for the homosexual element, it’s truly not over-the-top in that both men are straight and really don’t want to be partners.  But there are plenty of homosexual jokes, close-up shots of Chazz lifting Jimmy by the crotch, etc., and there is that creepy, gay stalker who shows up from time to time.  At one point Chazz gets a tattoo of Jimmy on his shoulder, but he admits he was drunk at the time.

In general, Blades of Glory is certainly “teen boy funny,” but gets a major red flag of caution for its lewd elements.  Consider yourself warned.

AUDIENCE:  Older teens and up

CAUTIONS:

  • Drugs/Alcohol:  Protagonist drinks heavily and vomits into his mask, makes allusions to drugs (“I was on Quaaludes then!”)  Man smokes cigar, etc.
  • Language:  A couple dozen obscenities, mostly mild (“a..” and “d…”, but with a couple of profanities sprinkled in.
  • Sex:  Plenty of sexual references (“Better than a stack of European porn”), lots of exaggerated kisses, most of which look like licking, and protagonist grabs woman’s (clothed) breasts.  He goes to “Sex Addicts Anonymous” and makes suggestive comments several times.  Woman dresses like a hooker to entrap Chazz, etc.
  • Violence:  Excessive, but mostly slapstick.
  • Worldview:  Very light homosexual world view, with jokes along those lines throughout the movie.  Fathers are portrayed very poorly, the cause of many adult issues in their sons.