Don't Crash The Big Wedding (it Crashes Just Fine on Its Own)
- Thursday, April 25, 2013
DVD Release Date: August 13, 2013
Theatrical Release Date: April 26, 2013
Rating: Rated R for language, sexual content and brief nudity
Run Time: 90 minutes
Director: Justin Zackham
Cast: Diane Keaton, Robert De Niro, Susan Sarandon, Robin Williams, Katherine Heigl, Amanda Seyfried and Topher Grace
It's called The Big Wedding but it’s really not about a wedding. It’s about sex. It’s billed as "an uproarious romantic comedy about a charmingly modern family." Um, sure... if by "charmingly modern family" they mean a group of unhappy people who think lying is preferable to truth and find it difficult to drag their minds and mouths out of the gutter long enough to hold a meaningful conversation. Modern, maybe. Charming, not so much.
The dysfunctional Griffin family has been brought together by the upcoming nuptials of adopted son Alejandro (Ben Barnes, Prince Caspian) and his fiancée Missy (Amanda Seyfried, Les Misérables). Alejandro’s adopted parents, Don (Robert De Niro, Silver Linings Playbook) and Ellie (Diane Keaton, Because I Said So), have been divorced lo these many years, but they’re still relatively cordial even though Don has been shacked up with Ellie’s best friend Bebe (Susan Sarandon, Snitch) since the split. But then Alejandro drops the bomb that his birth mother has decided to fly in for the wedding. A devout Catholic, Madonna (Patricia Rae) has "the ridiculous impression that divorce is a great big, fat sin." So to spare her feelings, everybody decides to lie and pretend Don and Ellie are still married. Madonna doesn't speak English, so it can't be that difficult to deceive a poor, deluded woman who has silly, outdated, conservative ideas about fidelity...
Meanwhile, Jared, the other Griffin son (Topher Grace, Valentine's Day) is the butt of multiple jokes because—crazy as it seems—he decided to wait for "love" rather than jumping in the sack with any/every woman who came along. It’s not lack of opportunity; women are lined up for what his sister calls "a shot at the title." A healthy adult male who’s a virgin? What could be more ridiculous? Not much, according to this film. Of course, when Alejandro’s biological sister turns out to be a sexy Latina siren who can’t keep her hands to herself, Jared's shaky moral standards dissolve in the blink of a lascivious eye.
Hold that thought: I’m trying to remember if there was any group of people that was not insulted in the course of this movie... animal lovers may have escaped unscathed, but that was probably just an oversight. Among those who took a punch: Catholics (Robin Williams (License to Wed) plays a befuddled, ex-alcoholic priest), Christians (Alejandro tells Missy he thinks he promised the priest their children would grow up "ravenous for the sweet baby Jesus"), and anyone uncomfortable with constant references to sex (including discussions about duration and pleasure achieved, sex acts performed at the table during a family dinner, graphic sound effects, a suggestive sculpture, and more). Additionally, the bride's parents are so racist as to be caricatures, the intent clearly to make everyone else look good in contrast. The list goes on. At least the film's an equal opportunity offender.
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