Strategies

The next steps are about being practical and applying strategy. In some ways, they'll act as your secret weapon in winning back your spouse. But you must be confident that they'll work so that you'll stick with them even if you feel the urge to do the things you shouldn't. Like I said at the start of this article, if anything will work, this will.

Don't Pursue

If you beg, whine, cling, or try to manipulate your mate into staying, you push them away faster. Find your strength in God, who will never leave you.

Give your spouse space to breathe. If you don't leave them alone, you aren't allowing him/her the opportunity to miss you. You probably need to take a step back in order to create a vacuum that the other person will see and feel. Don't be rude or mean but don't make them feel that they are all you've got. Make yourself scarce. That's one of the keys to attraction and that leads us to the next step.

Do the PIES

Make yourself attractive physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. Do it for you but it also will affect the other person.

I'm not telling you that you have to compete with your spouse's lover. Simply attempt to be as attractive as you can at your stage in life. Get involved with a local gym, go for walks or bike rides, join a book club, and/or sign up for classes at church. Not only will those things help make you more attractive physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually, but they'll give you things to do and new friends to enjoy to help you resist the urge to pursue or be clingy toward the straying spouse.

Have Fun 

No seriously. If you mope around and sound like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh, your spouse is not going to want to come back to you. Do you want to be around people who are constantly complaining, whining and negative? Do you feel attracted to those types of people? No you don't.

Let your spouse see you having fun. By that I don't mean that you go over the top or fake it. Go out with your friends (preferably of the same gender) and have a good time. Go see a comedy at the movie theater, go to the mall, go to concerts-just have fun. Even if your spouse is not there to see, it's possible that he/she will hear about it. Or maybe they'll call about something and you're too busy having fun to talk (that's a good thing because it shows them that you have a life and a world that doesn't revolve around them). At the very least you'll be making yourself a more fun and attractive person.

One final thing to keep in mind on this strategy step is that if you're having fun, you're probably doing the other things right too.

Do the Work

It isn't easy to put a marriage back together, but the LovePath works. If you do the things mentioned above to stay on the path, you'll likely pull your spouse back to walking the path with you.

It's important to limit your panic. Do your best to stay cool, calm and collected so that you can focus on what you need to do to apply the strategies mentioned in this article. There are other strategies that I might be able to provide in future articles but because of their complexity, I don't have the space or time at the moment.


Many couples find a faster route to healing comes from attending one of our three-day workshops for marriages in crisis to obtain specific instructions and strategies. If you wish to save your marriage, wish to heal, and wish to help your spouse heal, get more information by clicking here. Our success rate over the last decade is three out of four marriages, even when adultery, porn, anger, or other things have deeply hurt the relationship.

Joe Beam founded LovePath International and is a best-selling Christian author and internationally respected marriage expert.