He replied, “I make my living figuring things out and convincing people to see it correctly. I only argue with her when she’s wrong. My desire isn’t to upset her, but to help her. I simply want her to understand and do the right things.”

Interestingly, he somehow thought the “right things” included whom her friends were to be, where she should go to church, how she should dress, how she should parent, what emotions she should feel, and more. The last thing she said to him before leaving him was, “I’m no longer under your control, Counselor. I’ll find a man who wishes to be my partner; not my judge.”

Either the SS or OS is tempted

A successful music artist said, “After a concert we face what we call the buffet line. Women wait for us and make it abundantly clear that if we wish to take them back to our hotel rooms, they are willing and ready.” He made the comment with his wife present – his wife of many years – and openly shared how he kept himself from yielding to any such temptation. She smiled and said, “I believe in him. He understands that temptation is one of the curses of fame, and he builds safety nets around him to stay faithful to me and to our family.”

An executive in a major corporation answered a question about his boss, a nationally known CEO, “He’s faithful to his wife as long as he’s in sight of his house. Women are drawn to his reputation, his money, and his power. He doesn’t resist; at least not for long.”

A successful wife sadly told the story of the adultery she committed while climbing the corporate ladder. “I never thought I’d be like one of those guys you hear about who gets so full of themselves as they make the promotions and the money that they begin to think they can do whatever they wish without repercussion. Let me assure you, it can and does happen to women. I’m trying to save my marriage after it happened to me.”

An OS wife defiantly justified her affair, “He isn’t married to me; he’s married to his success. He has ignored me and the kids for years, missing birthday parties, traveling overseas for a ‘quick trip’ that puts him home late for holidays or family gatherings, leaving early every morning and arriving late every evening, working on weekends, and barely noticing anything that I feel or say. I think I could have plastic surgery and he’d plop into bed late at night beside me, give me a kiss, and never notice that I don’t like the woman who was in his bed the night before.” Somewhere along the line another man came into her life that did notice what she looked like, listened to what she felt, cared about being with her, and made sacrifices for her rather than sacrificing her for his interests. She came to care for him much more than she cared for her SS. That led to an affair. That led to a divorce.

Her husband’s evaluation of what happened was, “I finally got everything I wanted in terms of career, notoriety, and wealth. Yep, everything but the thing that really was the most important. I no longer have my family.”

The OS and the SS disagree over priorities

 

A husband well on his way to becoming an SS bitterly complained, “My wife never understood how important it was for me to succeed. Rather than being my support and my partner, she became an immobilizing anchor and a perpetual pain in the neck. With her help, I could have made it to the top. Through her constant criticism, I lost my drive and feel like a failure.”

An OS wife grumbled, “If I thought it would help, I would play The Cat’s in the Cradle 24 hours a day to make him realize what he’s doing to our children. He won’t hear it; his success is far more important to him than a wife or children. At least I’ll get a lot of money when he finally drops dead and the kids will have a nice inheritance when I go. It feels as if I’ve traded my life for his money. I hope he enjoyed the success; we didn’t.”