Nourish your wife emotionally. Care for your wife’s emotions at least as much as you care for your own. Discover what your wife is passionate about, and support her efforts to pursue her passions. Ask your wife to answer these questions for you: “Do you feel the depth of my love? If not, how can I help you feel it?” and “Do you feel beautiful in my eyes? If not, how can I communicate that better?”.

Learn how to resolve marital conflict wisely. Set ground rules for how to resolve conflicts in your marriage with love and respect. Be willing to discuss difficult issues and work out solutions to challenging problems, no matter what.

Be a spiritual leader. Do all you can to be the spiritual leader that God has called you to be in your marriage, revolving your whole life around your relationship with Jesus and relying on the Holy Spirit working through you to live faithfully. Pray for your wife often, but also be sure to spend time regularly praying with your wife. When you and your wife connect to God together, God will use that time to draw you both closer to Him and each other.

Cherish your relationship with your wife more than your own sexual satisfaction. Focus on honoring your wife and working to pursue sexual intimacy with her rather than responding to a disappointing sex life by looking for satisfaction elsewhere. Pray for the help you need to stay away from pornography and set boundaries with other women to help prevent an affair from starting. Invest your energy into improving your sexual relationship with your wife.

Adapted from Playing Hurt: A Guy’s Strategy for a Winning Marriage,copyright 2011 by Brian Goins. Published by Kregel Publications, Grand Rapids, Mich.,          

Brian Goins serves as lead pastor for Renaissance Bible Church and regularly speaks to couples at FamilyLife’s Weekend to Remember conferences with Jennifer, his bride and the mother of their three children. He’s written numerous study guides, workbooks, and Bible studies that he has developed for Insight for Living and Walk Thru the Bible.

Whitney Hopler is a freelance writer and editor who serves as both a contributing writer and the editor of’s site on angels and miracles ( Contact Whitney at: send in a true story of an angelic encounter or a miraculous experience like an answered pray