Recently reader Texmom good-naturedly (I hope) encouraged me to get out from under the table and be more aggressive in my response to spiritual player hater Sam Harris. I found that resting comfortably under the table was a nice place to be after writing about Rosie O'DonnellJerry FalwellSam Harris, Madonna, and Victoria Osteen in recent days. But none of those topics are as frightening as today's subject. I am going to write about the female brain. As usual when I address topics like this one I must post the following disclaimer.

Warning: The following post may (or, sadly, may not) contain humor. This blog was produced in a program where irony and satire are processed. May contain sarcasm fragments. If you are allergic to humor or attempts at humor please avoid this product.

This potentially incendiary topic came up as I rummaged through the Healthy Living section of the Dallas Morning News. Writer Leslie Van Wassenhove began the piece with this question.

* True or false: At birth, the female brain is more mature than the male brain.

According to neuropsychiatrist Louann Brizendine, it's true: A girl has a literal head start over members of the opposite sex. In fact, her noggin will develop faster than that of a boy by one to two years, as Dr. Brizendine explains in The Female Brain (Morgan Road Books). This is just the first of many differences she describes that stem from the structure and development of the male and female minds. Dr. Brizendine traces the neurohormonal disparities between men and women from conception through post-menopause, offering evidence on why women may perceive and react to situations differently than do men.

Women may perceive and react to situations differently than do men? May? Are you kidding me? At any rate, I took the following quiz from that article and recorded my answers in parenthesis. I also added some reactions to the actual answers in italics.

How brain-savvy are you? Test yourself to see how much of The Female Brain you know:

1. Men have more brain cells than women. (False...no, true...wait, uhh, no comment. Okay, False)

Answer: False; women have just as many brain cells, but they are packed more tightly into their smaller skulls. That clears up some of the issues. Women's brain cells have less room to wander off and do stupid stuff. That is a clear advantage for the feminine mind.

2. Women have more neurons than men in the brain centers for language. (True...no doubt)

Answer: True; as a result, women are naturally more talkative than men, using approximately 20,000 words per day compared with the 7,000 uttered by their male counterparts. Even these numbers do not truly represent the disparity in the vocabulary between men and women. Using myself as the lab rat, I calculated that of my 7,000 uttered words nearly 5,000 of them were baseball and football fantasy league words, lyrics to classic rock and roll songs, meaningless words from Monty Python skits, and lines from movies like Airplane and Dodgeball. Another 1900 plus entries were work related. So I calculate that I enter the verbal fray with my bride armed with about 67 actual usable words.