Red Hot Monogamy: Kindling the Flame in Christian Marriage
- Friday, July 20, 2007
Editor's Note: Bill and Pam Farrel recently discussed their book, Red Hot Monogamy, with author and psychologist Dr. James Dobson. To listen to the Focus on the Family daily broadcast "Refueling the Passion in Your Marriage": Part I and Part II.
When our oldest son, Brock, was dating his wife Hannah, all four of us parents decided to converge in Atlanta for the Christian Booksellers convention. On our first day in Atlanta, Bill went to a business meeting while I got ready for an evening appointment. Knowing that at some point, Brock or my husband, Bill, might return to the room (and to avoid some embarrassing intrusion during my shower), I hung the “Do not disturb” sign on the door. Brock was with Hannah’s family and was planning to meet us for dinner. While Brock was walking to our hotel, a sudden thunder storm hit, completely drenching him. His soggy clothes were dripping on the carpet as he entered the hotel. He was desperate to get into the room and change but when he arrived at the door he noticed the “Do not disturb” sign barricading his entrance. From inside the room, I heard a loud exclamation in the hallway, “Oh man! I can’t believe this! Do not disturb! I know what that means! Why now? It’s the middle of the afternoon.”
I laughed as I opened the door. Brock seemed very relieved that it was only me, completely dressed.
“Whew! Thanks mom. I saw the sign, and I thought, 'I can’t interrupt you and dad!'”
“It’s okay, honey. Dad isn’t even here. But thanks for the compliment! But isn’t it amazing and awesome that the first thought in your mind is that you’d be interrupting our love life! On a Wednesday, at 3 pm!”
A Celebration of Lifelong, "Red Hot" Monogamy
Fast forward to the following winter. It was a clear January night. The stars flickered in the sky like individual candles calling lovers into one another’s arms. The lights were romantically dim. Music softly serenaded as musician, Anita Renfroe, stepped to the podium in the ballroom and announced, “We are here tonight to celebrate the righteous, red, hot monogamy of Bill and Pam Farrel.” The crowd laughed and we looked at each other in shocked amusement.
As we recovered from her statement, Brock stepped to the podium to say grace at our 25th Anniversary Dinner Gala. He introduced himself, “Hi everyone. I am Brock Farrel, the first product of my parents’ righteous, red, hot monogamy.” It was at that moment the concept for our newest book, Red Hot Monogamy, was conceived.
You see, it is possible to keep the passion red hot — even after 25 years of marriage! So what helps fan the flame in the fast lane? To keep that spark and sizzle, couples will need to carve out a marital oasis.
Oasis of T.I.M.E.
After that evening, we gathered more than 200 red hot romantic ideas in a book filled with lots of practical helps. Ultimately, one of the most important steps a couple can take is to make T.I.M.E. for love. Here is what we see as the minimum time commitment you should have to maintain the connectedness needed for a healthy, strong marriage:
Ten to twenty minutes of talking together, alone, every day.
Investment in a weekly date night (or date breakfast or lunch) together for at least 4 hours. (It takes a couple hours to emotionally connect -- and then you might want to physically connect!)
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