How to End an Affair
- Thursday, May 26, 2011
How is this going to end? What will your future be?
Three Possible Paths
Any person’s life potentially has myriad paths and possibilities. However, it is likely that your future has one of three possibilities.
- You will continue in your ambivalent state until someone else makes the decision that will set the path for the rest of your life.
- You will commit to a relationship with your lover and trade your current life for one with him or her.
- You will end the affair in time possibly to restore your life as it was.
Someone Else Makes the Decision
If you continue indecisively, eventually something will happen. Sometimes affairs go on for years, but that is rare, and they never go on forever.
The greatest likelihood is your affair will be discovered.
No matter how careful or cautious, ultimately you or your lover will make a mistake. A forgotten text, a mislaid note, a suspicious sighting of the two of you together or a thousand other things can happen. When that occurs, you will have no control over what happens next. If you are married or if your lover is married, hurt spouses will take charge. Friends, family, and acquaintances will enter the fray, each with their own opinion about what you have done and what should be done to you.
Though you may believe that if that were to happen, it would be better than the situation you now have, it will not be. You may well lose your fortune, your family, your reputation, your friends and your self-respect. Facing angry spouses flanked by modern-day-gladiators we call lawyers is a very unpleasant and expensive experience, financially and emotionally.
You may think that people who love you now will love you just as much if they discover your affair. Prepare to be let down.
You Committ to Your Lover
In an affair, at least one of the lovers is in a committed relationship with someone else, such as a spouse or fiancé. Therefore, an affair is illicit because it violates an existing relationship. Ending your existing relationship to be with your lover means betraying the promises and commitments you made to your current partner or your lover betraying promises and commitments to their partner.
If others are part of the relationship you end, you change forever the nature of your relationship with them. You may still be a parent, but you will not be a parent in the same way as when you and your spouse both lived together with your children. You may still care about your in-laws, but they will no longer be your relatives. You may enjoy mutual friends, but the ones who feel they should support your abandoned partner rather than you will never be as close again.
In time, you will learn that the new relationship is not as perfect, wonderful or fulfilling as you had imagined. Every relationship brings its own set of problems and miseries. If you are similar to most, when you finally face all that you lost to have a committed relationship with your lover, the stresses and difficulties that normally attend that relationship will be magnified by your sense of what it cost you emotionally, financially, spiritually and physically.
There is a reason that those who divorce their spouses to marry a lover have a much, much higher rate of divorce. Sadly, each one of them thought they were going to be the exception.
End the Affair
There is great value in living consistently with your beliefs and values. It isn’t always easy—actually, it may at times be quite difficult—but the consequences make it worthwhile.
If you truly believed that your affair is right, and that being with you lover is your best future, you likely would not be reading this article. You probably are reading this because you want peace again. Peace throughout your entire being—heart, mind, and soul. Peace that comes from knowing that you are being who you really are and doing what you know is the right thing to do.
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