Romance Your Wife to Spice Up Your Marriage
- Whitney Hopler Live It Editor
- 2005 15 Jan
Are you bored with your marriage? Has the excitement you once felt when you thought of your wife now disappeared?
No matter how long you've been married, you can spice up your marriage if you learn how to woo your wife with the passion you had while you were dating. When you increase the romance in your marriage, you'll enjoy a relationship that's more dynamic than you may have thought possible!
Here are some ways you can woo your wife to enjoy a more exciting marriage:
• Give your wife the freedom to be herself. Realize that God made your wife uniquely for a good purpose. Accept her just as she is. Don't pressure her into fitting a stereotypical role in your household if that role doesn't match her personality or areas of giftedness (for example, you may be a better cook, and she may be better at paying the bills). Encourage your wife to make full use of all the talents God has given her, support her efforts while she does so, and applaud her accomplishments. Use your strengths to help empower her in areas where she has weaknesses.
• Build unity. Think in terms of "we and us" rather than "me and you" or "my and me." Strive to become best friends. Make decisions by consensus, not through power struggles. Base your marriage on love instead of rules or control. Ask God to show you how you and your wife's personalities can complement each other.
• Confront and overcome sinful behavior. Recognize and confront any sinful behavior patterns you may have in your marriage, such as verbal, physical, emotional, or sexual abuse. Ask God to show you any wrong attitudes you may have toward your wife. Ask Him to reveal ways He wants you to change. Be courageous and willing to admit that you have a problem with the way you treat your wife. Ask your wife to tell you honestly about how sinful behavior patterns in your marriage has affected her, and listen without getting defensive.
Pursue God's healing and be willing to do the hard work of retraining your thoughts and actions. Spend regular time in prayer and with a counselor, support group, or accountability partner. Ask your wife to forgive you. Ask God to give you a vision of what your marriage could be like if you successfully work through the tough issues you're facing. Depend on God's strength rather than your own; and know that He will help you through until your healing is complete.
• Strive to treat your wife like a queen. Remember how you promised to cherish your wife when you married her. Know that, as a man of honor, you should offer her nothing less than your best. Don't withhold your time, attention, or money from her. Ask God to motivate you to be generous with your wife. Realize that if you treat your wife well, she will respond well to you.
• Build a healthy sex life. Realize that women need to build emotional intimacy with their husbands in order to respond well sexually in their marriages. Ask your wife what specific things you could do build an affectionate, emotionally intimate relationship with her.
Be willing to talk to your often, and take the time to genuinely listen to her. Touch her in nonsexual ways. Share your dreams with her and ask her to share hers with you. Pray together. Commit to impeccable hygiene. Stay in good physical shape as best you can. Dress attractively. Eat well, take vitamins, get the proper amount of sleep each night, and work through stress so you'll have energy for sex. If you're struggling with any sexual sins (such as an addiction to pornography), ask God for deliverance. Schedule time to have sex with your wife on a regular basis. Come up with new ideas for your romantic encounters so you don't settle into a routine.
• Help your wife with the kids and chores. Know that if you're a father, God wants you to be actively involved in parenting alongside your wife. Understand that it's unfair and unrealistic to expect your wife to be able to carry the entire burden of household chores if she's also working outside the home, serving as a homeschool teacher, or volunteering a lot. Also understand that every woman sometimes needs a break from domestic chores. Know that if you want more time with your wife, you need to help her out. Ask God to help you be more patient with your children and show you how you can spend more time with them. Be willing to take over some chores from your wife to give her a temporary or permanent break from some of them.
• Pursue a selfless love. Be willing to make sacrifices so you can make life better for your wife. Be proactive about looking for ways you can serve her. Never demand that she submit to you; know that she's called to do so voluntarily, to a husband who demonstrates deep love and respect. Listen to her thoughts and feelings on a regular basis and value the wisdom of her input when you all are making decisions.
• Date your wife. Schedule regular times to go out on dates, just as you did before you were married. Be creative when you plan your adventures. Surprise her with something occasionally. Consider taking a romantic getaway trip together.
• Share devotional time together. As often as you can, work through a couple's devotional guide together. Discuss your relationship and pray about it during these times. Pray for God to use your marriage as a tool to draw you both closer to Him.
Adapted from Romancing Your Wife: A Little Effort Can Spice Up Your Marriage. Copyright 2005 by Debra White Smith and Daniel W. Smith. Published by Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, Or., www.harvesthousepublishers.com.
Debra White Smith has 38 books to her credit and more than 800,000 books in print. The author of Romancing Your Husband (more than 75,000 copies sold), the Seven Sisters series, and the Jane Austen series, Debra is also a popular conference speaker. She holds an M.A. in English.
Daniel W. Smith, a gifted musician, has been involved in Christian ministry for more than 20 years. He and his wife, Debra, founded Real Life Ministries, an interdenominational ministry that shares the gospel and Christian principles through music and the written and spoken word.