The Love Dare's Alex Kendrick on Christian Marriage and Movie Making
- Wednesday, October 14, 2009
CW: Oh, wow…
AK: They sat in the theatre and, halfway through the movie, she turns to him and says, "I'm very uncomfortable right now." He has too much pride to get up and walk her out. So, they remained there watching the rest of the movie. The Lord convicted him so much that when they walked out of the theatre, he turned to her and said, "We have to stop this." It upset her. I believe she said something to the effect of "I'll [tell] your wife." He says, "I'm going to tell her anyway." He went home and he told his wife that he had been having an affair. You can imagine her response, but they ended up going to counseling. He broke off the relationship with the mistress, and they have renewed their vows.
AK: So, you hear stories like that, and you think wow. You know, all we did was pray and then study biblical principles. We did not create anything. We just basically pulled together these biblical principles of marriage and formatted them in an idea called The Love Dare. So, God gets all the credit.
CW: So, what do you think is different about this book versus all the other marital help books out there?
AK: Two things: I think that we are reminding people of how relevant Scripture is to their lives and to their marriage. The other thing is, I think, God; He does something that is unexplainable. He put his favor on this project. We gave it to Him. We sought Him. We operate with the statement,"Our greatest asset is the favor of God." So, there can be no higher priority to seek than that… So, the effectiveness of these, I'm not smart enough to have come up with all that, and my brother, Stephen, he's not smart enough either.
CW: That's fantastic. Could we talk a little bit about the content of the book?
AK: Absolutely, yeah.
CW: So, a couple concepts jumped out at me as I read. One is your definition of a covenant versus a contract. Could you talk a little bit about that for our readers?
AK: Well, you know, a contract is based on mistrust. You have to fix your name on a contract, because you do not fully trust the other person, and they do not fully trust you. So, a marriage that is based on that mindset is already in trouble. You're going into this assuming that at some point the other person could do something that negates your trust in them.
Now, granted, we're all human, but to base a marriage on a covenant means that you fully are willing to put trust in [the other person] recognizing you are human, but you're doing so to honor God. Since God loved us when we did not deserve it, how can I tell my wife I only love her when she deserves it? That's hypocritical. So, I am so grateful for God's love for me, and he says that husbands are to be an example of Christ to the Church. So, in my marriage, if I'm an example of Christ to my wife just like Christ is to the Church, then I have to love her unconditionally. The only way I can do that is to tap into God's love.
So, when I think of covenant versus contract, a covenant is open ended, it is long term, it is based on trust. I'm not signing something waiting for you to fail or break your end of the deal. I am giving you my word as a man, as a Christian, as a husband, that says I will love you for the rest of my life.
If we have that mindset, then performance does not play a key in how strong the marriage is. I love my wife because I choose to love her and then the fact that she is sweet and beautiful and loving back is just extra. The characteristics of why I love my wife are not based on her beauty or that she's a good cook or a good wife and mother, because those things could change. My love for my wife is based on God's love for me and my choice to love her. All those other things are icing on the cake.
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