Why Both Spouses Lose when Playing the Blame Game
- Friday, April 27, 2007
It's Not a 7 Step Program
There is no easy remedy to becoming a responsible adult. Invariably, steps are involved in the process of becoming responsible, but there is a deeper more intense idealism we must reach before we can take responsibility for ourselves. That idealism is believing and recognizing the need to be responsible. If we can't see the importance of being responsible, then what reason do we give ourselves to be responsible? We must recognize the need, and then simply decide to live a more responsible life.
Though somehow, it's never this simple. Why do we stumble at the task of being responsible? The answer might lie in one word, selfishness. The act of taking ownership requires us to put our friends, family, mate, and others ahead of our own personal desires. It's caring more about the feelings and needs of others than those of our own. So when I was in the pizza line, all I had to say was something like, "It sounds like my forgetfulness is really frustrating to you, and I'm sorry". End of argument. But instead I was more concerned about my own image, and what others might think about me, and I paid for that attitude with a three hour argument with my wife. And I definitely didn't get to enjoy the pizza!
Of coarse some of the readers might be thinking, "Yea, right!" Taking ownership might not immediately end an argument with your mate, but it sure won't fuel the fire. Imagine an argument being like a fire. Attitudes like blaming, yelling, and name calling all pour gasoline on the argument fire. Taking responsibility is like a huge fire extinguisher wiping out the potential to a marital forest fire. Your mate might not respond immediately to your responsibility, but I can promise over time you will see a positive difference in your marriage and in the way you communicate with each other when you take responsibility for yourself.
For more information about getting the help and encouragement for your most important relationships please visit our website at www.smalleyonline.com.
If you're interested in knowing the status of your relationship, click here, and take an eight question test which predicts divorce over 90% accurately.
© Copyright 2002 Smalley Relationship Center.
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