Protecting Your Son From Aggressive Girls
- Monday, March 28, 2011
One of my primary responsibilities as the father of four daughters was to help protect them from losing their innocence, especially as they approached the adolescent years. As part of this effort, I met and talked with nearly every young man who wanted to go out with my girls. I asked specific questions and challenged these young men to a high standard of purity.
These experiences led to my book, Interviewing Your Daughter's Date, which was published last year*. I received a lot of positive feedback from appreciative dads, but I also got something that I didn't expect. Quite a few parents contacted me to say, "I really appreciate the helpful advice for raising daughters, but we really need something to help our sons deal with aggressive girls in this sexually-saturated culture."
Listen to this mother's frustration:
"I have a very outgoing, charming, attractive 15-year-old son. I have literally been chasing the girls away from the door ever since the seventh grade. The phone calls, identified by caller ID, were left for the answering machine to answer. The aggressiveness and promiscuity of young girls nowadays is beyond words. Their dress is so alluring and inviting to a young man, what's a guy to do? Moreover, what's a mom to do?"
Another mother wrote after hearing the FamilyLife Today™ broadcast we did on my book:
"After listening to your "Interviewing Your Daughter's Date" program today, I'm wondering if you have been on a high school or junior high campus recently. While I agree with your points today, I have a seventh grade son. Let me tell you that the girls are relentless. So aggressive. He's at a Christian school, and this is a problem. I can only imagine what it may be like elsewhere. Please address this issue."
Back when I was growing up, there were some girls who were called "boy crazy," but very few were as forward and aggressive as what we're seeing today. Based on my conversation with parents, and what I've seen through research on the Internet, I think parents are facing some serious challenges. We're seeing more girls taking the initiative with guys at younger and younger ages, and aggressively attempting to lure them into sexual activity. As I've done research on the issue, parents are telling me about groups of girls getting together and targeting young men.
Of course, I'm not talking about all young ladies. But the situation has changed enough in recent years that we need to ask, "How can we prepare our teenage sons for dealing with the attention and temptation being thrown at them by some sexually aggressive girls?"
What in the world is happening?
What is going on in the hearts of some young girls that causes them to be so assertive? I think there are several reasons for what we are seeing:
First, the culture is supporting it. Movies, television shows, commercials, magazines, books ... they all glamorize sex and intimacy and the right of young women to go after whatever it is they think will make them happy.
Second, we have a whole generation of young men who are confused in their own sexual identity. Are they supposed to be sensitive or aggressive? Leaders or helpers? Many young men today are not being taught how to treat a young lady with nobility, dignity, and respect. Many are growing up without a father or male figure to provide guidance. As a result, some of these young men have no idea how they "should" expect to be treated by a "real" young lady.
Third, the breakdown of the family has resulted in a whole generation of daughters who have been abandoned. And in the absence of a healthy, emotional attachment to their fathers and mothers, they're trying to fill their emotional gas tanks with the opposite sex.
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