How to Find True Romantic Love
- Thursday, August 15, 2013
Editor's Note: The following is a report on the practical applications of Kailen Rosenberg's upcoming book, Real Love, Right Now: A Love Architect’s Thirty-Day Blueprint to Finding Your Soul Mate (Howard Books, 2013).
Do you sense a longing to experience romantic love as God designed it to be, but can’t seem to find it? Are you searching for the right person to marry, yet frustrated that true love seems to be eluding you?
If so, be encouraged that the kind of love you’re searching for really does exist. But you may be unknowingly sabotaging your own opportunities to find true romantic love – either by approaching dating with bad habits or by responding to people God brings your way out of your ego rather than your soul.
Here’s how you can overcome the obstacles that can block you from find the true romantic love God wants you to enjoy:
Let go of misconceptions about love. Open your mind to the reality that love is all around you and that God may lead you to experience true love at any time in any place. In order to embrace this truth, let go of common misconceptions about love, such as: love is unattainable (it’s actually within your reach), love is painful (a romantic partner’s behavior can cause you pain, but love doesn’t cause pain), love is possessive (real love leads to freedom), love demands perfection (true love is unconditional), and love is vain (your ego actually repels love from you, while authenticity attracts love to you). Write down the negative beliefs about love that you have been holding onto; then pray about each one and ask the Holy Spirit to replace your false beliefs with God’s truths about love.
Identify and work to change unhealthy dating behaviors. Ask God to show you how you’re sabotaging your ability to experience true romantic love by acting in unhealthy ways, such as: trying to control others instead of giving them freedom, projecting insecurity rather than confidence, or being critical of others rather than positive toward them. Once you’ve identified unhealthy behaviors, ask God to empower you to stop them and start new, healthy behaviors in your dating relationships. Accept the forgiveness that God offers you for your past mistakes, and forgive yourself, as well. Find a few people you can trust to serve as accountability partners for you while you work to change unhealthy behaviors to healthy ones.
Assess your values and desires. Think and pray about what you believe about romantic love and why those values are important to you. Once you’ve clarified your values, write them down in a journal. Next, write down what qualities you want in a romantic partner, as well as what you don’t want. Ask God to help you focus from now on what you truly should be looking for in a romantic relationship and a romantic partner.
Design a blueprint to build the person you want to become. A vital part of getting yourself ready to embrace true romantic love is evaluating the image you’re projecting to the world in light of who you really are as a person. Often, people’s images and souls are out of sync with each other. If that’s the case with you, you can align your image with the reality of who you are by designing a blueprint that shows how you can present yourself at your best to others. The blueprint describes qualities related to your outer appearance (such as your physical fitness, hair, clothes, style, makeup, and the state of your home) and your inner strengths (such as wisdom, confidence, honesty, peace, and positive thinking).
Rewrite broken love scripts. Painful experiences from your past can cause you to write distorted scripts in your mind about how to deal with romantic love. Identify whether or not you may be telling yourself lies like these: “I have no value when it comes to love,” “I am unworthy of love,” “Love comes in the form of neglect or abuse,” “My value lies only in my beauty or talent,” “No one is good enough for me,” “I can love others only by rescuing or parenting them,” and “I have no value outside a relationship.” Reject these unhealthy attitudes. Rewrite your broken scripts by accepting responsibility for where you are now in your life and letting biblical truths guide your approach to romantic love from now on.
Recently on Singles
Have something to say about this article? Leave your comment via Facebook below!
Listen to Your Favorite Pastors
Add Crosswalk.com content to your siteBrowse available content