* Have patience if you're creating a stepfamily. Set realistic boundaries. Help the stepparent to feel accepted and not so much of an outsider. Help the natural parent to stay connected with his or her own children. Help the children to feel some sense of control and be able to express their feelings of loss. Strive to build a home where everyone will eventually feel comfortable. Establish some new family traditions.
* Don't sweat the small stuff. Decide not to keep score of ways your partner has disappointed you. Acknowledge your own quirks. Realize that it's not possible to change your spouse, so you shouldn't even try. Learn to apologize and forgive. Make it a regular habit to do small acts of kindness for your spouse.
* Fight effectively. Instead of merely reacting during a disagreement, try to respond thoughtfully by striving to work the issue out in a spirit of cooperation. Set a timer, don't insult your partner, outlaw threats and ultimatums, don't intentionally push your partner's hot buttons, don't fight when you're tired or stressed, and learn what works best at calming the situation. Take time out of working to resolve your difficulties so you can focus on having fun together. Make time to pray together, asking God to soften your hearts and bring you into greater unity.
* Grow in Christ together. Share stories of your spiritual journey, pray together daily, read the Bible together on a regular basis, and find a spiritual ministry you can do together.
* Establish memorial stones. Create concrete reminders of what God has done for you in the past - things like journals or photo albums or souvenirs of how God answered specific prayers. These "memorial stones" will serve as spiritual markers for your family, reminding you of God's power and grace and encouraging you. They will also serve as a witness to others.
Adapted from The Savvy Couple's Guide to Marrying After 35, copyright 2003 by Kay Marshall Strom and Dan E. Kline. Published by InterVarsity Press, Downers Grove, Ill., www.ivpress.com.
Kay Marshall Strom and Dan Kline are a happily married couple living in Santa Barbara, Ca. Kay has more than 30 published books to her credit. Dan is a professional speaker and has addressed numerous Fortune 500 companies as well as many other groups. Now partners in Kline, Strom & Associates, together they have spoken to well over 100,000 people in more than 20 countries.
