• Date Five: Rocking the Roles. On this date, discuss how your roles as husband and wife are changing. Now that your parenting years are over, consider switching some responsibilities or tackling some chores together. Figure out how who will now perform such tasks as shopping, preparing meals, doing yard work, cleaning the house, paying bills, caring for pets, making repairs, and scheduling appointments. Negotiate amicably and compromise where you need to do so. Look for fun things you can do together, as well, such as spending social time with other couples who are mutual friends and volunteering with your spouse to do a community service project together.
• Date Six: Discovering the Second Spring of Love. Get away to a hotel on this date so you can focus without distractions on revitalizing your sexual relationship. Slow down your pace so you can savor the experience. Don't worry about how often you make love; just strive to make it a good time when you do. Pay attention to your physical fitness. Be willing to experiment with new approaches to sex together. Talk openly and honestly about your desires and expectations, letting your spouse know specific things you find romantic.
• Date Seven: Loving Your Family Tree. Use this date to establish realistic expectations of how to best deal with your extended family. If one of your adult children will be moving back in with you, make a plan for it, set a time limit for how long he or she can stay, clarify your house rules, and protect your weekly date night to ensure you'll still have couple time. If you're caring for an aging parent, take the breaks you need so you can still care for yourself and your marriage as well. Consider how you and your spouse can both promote family harmony while also setting healthy boundaries.
• Date Eight: Growing Together Spiritually. On this date, take the time to discuss and reaffirm your core values and beliefs. Then consider ways you can grow together spiritually in the future. Perhaps you'll want to begin praying together, serving together on a project for your community, taking a mission trip together, or mentoring newlyweds.
• Date Nine: Investing in Your Future. This date is the time to set marriage goals for your future together. Think and talk about the last ten years of your marriage. Consider all the changes you've each gone through during that time. Then envision what you'd like your marriage to look like ten years from now, and why. Make a list of goals on which you both agree, then develop an action plan for achieving them that answers the questions "What?," "How?," and "When?". Be willing to be flexible and persevere as you work to accomplish your goals, knowing that you can still make progress even when the unexpected happens. Pray for the courage to keep taking risks and enjoying adventures together.
• Date Ten: Feathering Your Empty Nest with Fun. Use this date to figure out how to have more fun together. Focus on building the friendship you and your spouse enjoy. Practice making at least five positive statements for every negative statement you make to your spouse. Compliment your partner on his or her strengths, and give both your spouse and yourself permission to be less than perfect. Look for opportunities to laugh together, and introduce a sense of humor into every situation you can. Decide to pursue activities, hobbies, and courses you could both enjoy together.
Adapted from 10 Great Dates for Empty Nesters, copyright 2004 by David and Claudia Arp. Published by Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Mich., 1-800-9-BOOK-IT, www.zondervan.com.
David Arp, MSW and Claudia Arp, founders of Marriage Alive International, are educators, popular speakers, and frequent contributors to print and broadcast media. They have appeared on The Today Show, CBS This Morning, Public Television and Focus on the Family. Their numerous books include the Gold Medallion Award-winning The Second Half of Marriage. Visit their Website at www.marriagealive.com.
