• Build a healthy sex life. Realize that women need to build emotional intimacy with their husbands in order to respond well sexually in their marriages. Ask your wife what specific things you could do build an affectionate, emotionally intimate relationship with her.
Be willing to talk to your often, and take the time to genuinely listen to her. Touch her in nonsexual ways. Share your dreams with her and ask her to share hers with you. Pray together. Commit to impeccable hygiene. Stay in good physical shape as best you can. Dress attractively. Eat well, take vitamins, get the proper amount of sleep each night, and work through stress so you'll have energy for sex. If you're struggling with any sexual sins (such as an addiction to pornography), ask God for deliverance. Schedule time to have sex with your wife on a regular basis. Come up with new ideas for your romantic encounters so you don't settle into a routine.
• Help your wife with the kids and chores. Know that if you're a father, God wants you to be actively involved in parenting alongside your wife. Understand that it's unfair and unrealistic to expect your wife to be able to carry the entire burden of household chores if she's also working outside the home, serving as a homeschool teacher, or volunteering a lot. Also understand that every woman sometimes needs a break from domestic chores. Know that if you want more time with your wife, you need to help her out. Ask God to help you be more patient with your children and show you how you can spend more time with them. Be willing to take over some chores from your wife to give her a temporary or permanent break from some of them.
• Pursue a selfless love. Be willing to make sacrifices so you can make life better for your wife. Be proactive about looking for ways you can serve her. Never demand that she submit to you; know that she's called to do so voluntarily, to a husband who demonstrates deep love and respect. Listen to her thoughts and feelings on a regular basis and value the wisdom of her input when you all are making decisions.
• Date your wife. Schedule regular times to go out on dates, just as you did before you were married. Be creative when you plan your adventures. Surprise her with something occasionally. Consider taking a romantic getaway trip together.
• Share devotional time together. As often as you can, work through a couple's devotional guide together. Discuss your relationship and pray about it during these times. Pray for God to use your marriage as a tool to draw you both closer to Him.
Adapted from Romancing Your Wife: A Little Effort Can Spice Up Your Marriage. Copyright 2005 by Debra White Smith and Daniel W. Smith. Published by Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, Or., www.harvesthousepublishers.com.
Debra White Smith has 38 books to her credit and more than 800,000 books in print. The author of Romancing Your Husband (more than 75,000 copies sold), the Seven Sisters series, and the Jane Austen series, Debra is also a popular conference speaker. She holds an M.A. in English.
Daniel W. Smith, a gifted musician, has been involved in Christian ministry for more than 20 years. He and his wife, Debra, founded Real Life Ministries, an interdenominational ministry that shares the gospel and Christian principles through music and the written and spoken word.
