Let go of unrealistic expectations. Realize that imaginary fantasies about what your spouse should or shouldn't do are dangerous because they can leave you feeling disappointed and frustrated when they're not fulfilled, and they're not fair to your spouse. Ask God to help you see your spouse as He does so you can get a clear, accurate understanding of who he or she is. Pray for your spouse regularly.

Don't compare your spouse to other people's spouses. Remember that there is no such thing as a perfect spouse. Make a list of specific things you appreciate about your spouse, then express your appreciation to him or her. Don't expect your spouse to react to things exactly as you do, or to fulfill the roles that your mother or father fulfilled when you were growing up. Be humble, flexible, and willing to learn to work together with your spouse.

Maintain your connection. Whenever you become disconnected from your spouse (such as when one of you is on a business trip, or is too busy or ill to spend quality time as a couple), reconnect as soon as possible. Clear your schedule of activities with other people so you can spend time together. Do activities that you both find fun. Genuinely and carefully listen to your spouse. Have sex. Protect one-on-one time with your spouse so you can cultivate your marriage.

Communicate well. Make your communication free, open, and frequent. Create an atmosphere where both you and your spouse can honestly share whatever you're thinking, feeling, and desiring.

Try to talk about things before they become emotionally charged. Avoid making accusatory statements toward your spouse. Avoid making things personal if they could be perceived as hurtful. Give your spouse enough time to finish a story, make a point, or complete a thought. Use relaxed body language. Pray before responding. Focus on sharing how an issue or event makes you feel. Repeat back to your spouse what you think he or she said. Always make eye contact. Make sure the tone of your voice isn't too harsh and negative.

Be aware that conflict is most likely to arise whenever you or your spouse is sick, hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, so avoid discussing controversial issues then. Before diving into a discussion, ask your spouse whether or not it's a good time to do so. Identify unhealthy patterns in the way you communicate, and work to change them.

Handle your money wisely. Consider whether you and your spouse are natural savers, natural spenders, or one of each. Figure out what money means to both of you, and what it buys for you emotionally. Remember that all of your money is a gift from God. Trust Him to provide everything you need.

Streamline your finances by merging your individual bank accounts, credit cards, retirement plans, etc. as much as possible to joint ventures so they'll be easy and quick to track. Check a current credit report on yourself, and also your spouse. Develop a monthly budget.

Talk with your spouse about your expectations for spending and set limits together. Decide who will be responsible for duties such as paying bills and balancing the checkbook. Notify your health, life, and auto insurance companies that your marital status has changed. Set up a filing system for financial paperwork. Get out of debt as soon as you can. Give generously to God's work on Earth, through your local church, charities, and elsewhere.