Recognize the power of words. Don’t allow your stress to cause you to speak negative words to your spouse. Realize that negative words will hurt your spouse and your marriage, while positive words will strengthen your bond as they bring hope, encouragement, refreshment, and healing. Affirm and encourage your spouse verbally as often as you can. Ask yourself how you can alleviate your spouse’s anxieties and bless him or her with your words. Then do so!

Help each other get the sleep and space you each need. Work out a fair schedule that allows you to swap baby care responsibilities with your spouse to give each other the breaks you both need for sleep and time out of the house. Take into account which times of the day and night you each function best, and try switching roles on the weekends. Make sure that you do everything practically to relieve each other in a genuine partnership, so the responsibilities don’t fall too hard on just one of you. Work to reach compromises so that no situation ever becomes desperate for either one of you.

Recharge your spouse’s batteries. Plan practical ways that you can refresh your spouse, such as by cooking a meal or letting him or her go out for an evening. Remember that when your spouse is refreshed, he or she will be in a much better position to refresh you. Share with each other what you need to be energized. Commit to do at least one of those things for your spouse in the next day or so.

Evaluate advice wisely. Even when you disagree with your spouse about how to parent your newborn, be sure to listen to your spouse and respect his or her views. Try to proactively discuss issues you feel strongly about before you need to make a decision about them. Listen respectfully to advice from well-meaning family and friends, but don’t feel pressured to accept it if you and your spouse don’t agree. Let family and friends who want to help you know in advance what types of support you would appreciate the most.

Be honest. Don’t waste time or energy trying to keep up appearances around family and friends to try to have them think all is well when it isn’t. If you’re struggling, go to your spouse first, admit it, and ask for help. Discuss ahead of time what you’re willing to share about your relationship and your struggles in front of your family and friends. When you need help, reach out for it in ways that don’t embarrass your spouse. And remember not to compare your unique situation to someone else’s.

Don’t stop having fun! Plan and look forward to at least one thing you enjoy doing that isn’t related to your baby, such as maintaining a hobby you pursued before your newborn arrived. Keep in contact with friends. Arrange babysitting so you and your spouse can still go out on dates. Exercise as much as you’re able to elevate your mood and enjoy some recreation.