Since Ryan and his buddies can’t quit high school and haven’t found a way to adequately persuade the bully to stop, the guys decide it’s high time to hire a bodyguard. Of course, unlike the Britney Spearses of the world, they don’t exactly have a big budget. And proving the old adage that “you get what you pay for,” they quickly enlist the services of Drillbit Taylor (Wilson), who they find through an ad they’ve post online

Drillbit has an agenda of his own, though. Like almost any film that Wilson is a part of, he manages to charm even when he’s playing a truly ridiculous character. After all, who actually believes a scrawny guy like Wilson could protect anyone? Or that escaping to Canada is the cure-all to all his problems? Even surpassing that obvious flaw, however, Wilson’s acting isn’t nearly enough to completely redeem a homeless ex-Army guy with a few fighting techniques and more scams than your average con artist.

Like all movies of this ilk, however, Wilson’s character doesn’t stay bad for long (cue sappy music and long, drawn-out soliloquies where the moral of the story is delivered). And with an ending anyone could see coming a mile away, Drillbit Taylor proves to be a serious exercise in film-watching futility. One only hopes that someone like Apatow with a knack for making people laugh, will find a better way to do so in the future.

CAUTIONS:

• Drugs/Alcohol:  There are a couple references to drugs, namely when Wade’s parents assume that he’s either buying drugs or using them.
• Language/Profanity:  There are multiple instances of your standard-issue profanity and rude, sex-oriented dialogue.
• Sex/Nudity:  In addition to ongoing porn references, there’s constant sex chatter of the stereotypical high-school guy variety. Also, when the nerds are running away from the bullies, they spot and photograph a couple of girls laying out, one of them topless and lying on her stomach. Owen Wilson’s backside is also shown in a couple of scenes.
• Violence:  Drillbit tells the boys the only way to fight violence is with violence, so he teaches them martial arts and Mexican judo. There’s also plenty of violence shown (including guys getting kicked in sensitive areas), thanks to a barrage of high-school bullying. Drillbit’s pinky gets cut off when a sword is thrown at him.