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Protecting Your Son From Aggressive Girls
Dennis Rainey
FamilyLife Today
One of my primary responsibilities as the father of four daughters was to help protect them from losing their innocence, especially as they approached the adolescent years. As part of this effort, I met and talked with nearly every young man who wanted to go out with my girls. I asked specific questions and challenged these young men to a high standard of purity.
These experiences led to my book, Interviewing Your Daughter's Date, which was published last year. I received a lot of positive feedback from appreciative dads, but I also got something that I didn't expect. Quite a few parents contacted me to say, "I really appreciate the helpful advice for raising daughters, but we really need something to help our sons deal with aggressive girls in this sexually-saturated culture."
Listen to this mother's frustration:
"I have a very outgoing, charming, attractive 15-year-old son. I have literally been chasing the girls away from the door ever since the seventh grade. The phone calls, identified by caller ID, were left for the answering machine to answer. The aggressiveness and promiscuity of young girls nowadays is beyond words. Their dress is so alluring and inviting to a young man, what's a guy to do? Moreover, what's a mom to do?"
Another mother wrote after hearing the FamilyLife Today™ broadcast we did on my book:
"After listening to your "Interviewing Your Daughter's Date" program today, I'm wondering if you have been on a high school or junior high campus recently. While I agree with your points today, I have a seventh grade son. Let me tell you that the girls are relentless. So aggressive. He's at a Christian school, and this is a problem. I can only imagine what it may be like elsewhere. Please address this issue."
Back when I was growing up, there were some girls who were called "boy crazy," but very few were as forward and aggressive as what we're seeing today. Based on my conversation with parents, and what I've seen through research on the Internet, I think parents are facing some serious challenges. We're seeing more girls taking the initiative with guys at younger and younger ages, and aggressively attempting to lure them into sexual activity. As I've done research on the issue, parents are telling me about groups of girls getting together and targeting young men.
Of course, I'm not talking about all young ladies. But the situation has changed enough in recent years that we need to ask, "How can we prepare our teenage sons for dealing with the attention and temptation being thrown at them by some sexually aggressive girls?"
What in the world is happening?
What is going on in the hearts of some young girls that causes them to be so assertive? I think there are several reasons for what we are seeing:
First, the culture is supporting it. Movies, television shows, commercials, magazines, books ... they all glamorize sex and intimacy and the right of young women to go after whatever it is they think will make them happy.
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Godlyone
8/26/2008 1:52 PM
This article is fantastic!
To mercredi38 – sounds like you are riled just because teenage boys and 40+ men leer at your daughter. There will always be people, OF BOTH SEXES, who will leer at the opposite sex, no matter how modestly they dress.
Dennis is not attacking these girls anymore than anyone who writes about how some boys pressure girls into SEX. And there are plenty of articles that talk about that! How come no one says that boys who pressure their girlfriends to have sex do this because our society gives them the message that they’ve got to have sex or else there’s something wrong with them? Most articles about this tend to attack the boys in question. In contrast, Dennis is not attacking these girls at all! He is stating facts – the fact that such girls exist and the facts of why they behave the way they do.
You say that dads abdicate their roles and then blame girls. In that case we can say that mums abdicate their roles too or else boys wouldn’t pressure girls for sex..
To mercredi38 – sounds like you are riled just because teenage boys and 40+ men leer at your daughter. There will always be people, OF BOTH SEXES, who will leer at the opposite sex, no matter how modestly they dress.
Dennis is not attacking these girls anymore than anyone who writes about how some boys pressure girls into SEX. And there are plenty of articles that talk about that! How come no one says that boys who pressure their girlfriends to have sex do this because our society gives them the message that they’ve got to have sex or else there’s something wrong with them? Most articles about this tend to attack the boys in question. In contrast, Dennis is not attacking these girls at all! He is stating facts – the fact that such girls exist and the facts of why they behave the way they do.
You say that dads abdicate their roles and then blame girls. In that case we can say that mums abdicate their roles too or else boys wouldn’t pressure girls for sex..
mercredi38
8/18/2008 1:48 PM
Okay, now this just riles me to the core. Yes, let's attack these young women as the "manipulative aggressors" that they are and not address the root cause. Our society has over-sexualized girls at a very young age. I see Dad's abidicating their role and then blaming girls.
Men, for the love of everything holy STAND UP and say you no longer want to see Victoria Secret adds on t.v.; complain to shopping malls that explicity portray pre-pubescent girls in skimpy attire in the add posted on store windows. Do SOMETHING, because it's YOUR silence which has created the problem and led advertisers to corrupt the young minds and hearts of girls into thinking this kind of attention is "good".
At least let's be honest about the CORE issue, and nurture these girls not tell them they've become pitfalls to our innocents sons!
I'm furious because I see teens & 40+ men leering at my 12 year old daughter!!She is about as modest as they get, and has never asked for their lascivious stares.
Men, for the love of everything holy STAND UP and say you no longer want to see Victoria Secret adds on t.v.; complain to shopping malls that explicity portray pre-pubescent girls in skimpy attire in the add posted on store windows. Do SOMETHING, because it's YOUR silence which has created the problem and led advertisers to corrupt the young minds and hearts of girls into thinking this kind of attention is "good".
At least let's be honest about the CORE issue, and nurture these girls not tell them they've become pitfalls to our innocents sons!
I'm furious because I see teens & 40+ men leering at my 12 year old daughter!!She is about as modest as they get, and has never asked for their lascivious stares.
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Why mercredi, are you blaming men’s silence for the problem? What about women? They’re not exactly complaining about Victoria secret, who do you think shops in those stores? Dennis mentions our culture, TV, magazines, etc. Dennis has mentioned the core issue.
Mercredi – would you be as riled if this was an article about how to protect girls from boys who want to pressure them to have sex? I think you need to get off you feminist high horse and read the article again.