See what I mean? Confusing. How can I know which rules and principles God wants me to live by, and which ones to throw out? And then there are the gray areas… all those situations in life that just don’t fall under any category exactly because of the unique circumstances. What do we do with those? For instance:

Living with an abusive spouse. Jesus only said that if an unbelieving spouse agrees to stay married, then stay with them (1 Corinthians 7:13), but that doesn’t cover abuse. Some people say that 1 Peter commends suffering for the sake of Christ and they consider being abused at home part of that suffering. Where is the glory for God in that kind of suffering as women are stripped of identity and purpose, and their children live with lifetime physical and emotional scars? Did God mean that we should willingly suffer persecution in our own households?

What about the mandates for husbands love their wives as Christ loved the church and for wives to submit to their husbands out of reverence for Christ? Are abusers somehow exempt? Can one side get off the hook and treat their spouse abusively while the other gives up everything—sometimes even their lives—to appease them?

Living with an addicted spouse. The rules are different in this kind of home. Many prominent “help” books advise the typically mistreated spouse to follow certain principles: love your mate unconditionally and selflessly in order to win them over, don’t pressure or nag them to change but focus on changing yourself, don’t place any expectations on them, give them space and they’ll come back to you. Well, that might work for your average love-grown-cold spouse, but when dealing with a substance abuser, none of those work. You can drive yourself crazy trying to apply all the methods, read all the books, and go through all the counseling, but in the end, everything you try has the same result: Nothing.

Should you stay in that kind of a household, accepting the addiction and all the behaviors that go along with it such as lying, overspending, abuse, sexual misconduct, neglect, blatant disrespect, and even sometimes financial ruin while watching your whole family become sick at at heart?