As simple a matter as taking time to go for a walk with his wife can provide a pastor’s wife with the awareness that she is important to her husband amidst his pastoral duties. A pastor must be committed to the ongoing courtship of his wife by spending time on dates with her regularly and by setting aside time to talk. Since our bodies belong to our spouses, it’s important that we give our wives our ears and not just our mouths (I Corinthians 7:4). The pastor, as a family man, must be willing to listen to his wife when she shares concerns that he is becoming too busy with ministry responsibilities and not spending enough time at home.
The other crucial area for which a pastor must carve out time in his schedule involves his children. How many pastors’ kids have struggled with wondering where they are on Dad’s priority list! I know that mine have at times. In the same way, how many pastors have struggled with guilt, knowing they’re not spending time with their children because of ministry demands. As a father who has been blessed with nine children, I struggle with slicing the time “pie” in sufficient quantities to provide for our children.
Yet, we keep working at it. We’ve tried to create memories together from places we’ve been and things we’ve done, capturing those memories on film and video. We have worked at slowing down to enjoy the simple things by instilling in our children a love for God’s creation. Any of our children can call us with excitement to come look at a beautiful sunset or to notice a particular tree whose leaves are resplendent in fall colors.
An obvious, but sometimes neglected, priority is family devotions. Children need to see Dad taking time to read and explain instruction from God’s Word in order to instill core values into their lives. While another obvious “time together” activity is for Dad to take them with him on preaching trips, a pastor also needs to do leisure activities with his children. Whether it’s involvement in sports, a hobby, working in the yard, or a stimulating game of chess, a pastor’s kids need to know that Dad enjoys being a regular guy with his children.
The pastor must also be available for his children when they fail, when there’s a fracture in character. Just as he would leave the office to go to the side of his child who suffered a broken bone, he must also be willing to change plans to tend to a character fracture. That speaks volumes to the son or daughter in terms of Dad’s willingness to make time to minister specifically to his own family.
I pray that God helps me to stay focused on my calling as a family man. As pastors, we dare not find ourselves echoing the apologetic statement of Solomon’s bride, the Shulamite woman, who lamented, “they made me the keeper of the vineyards; but mine own vineyard have I not kept” (Song of Solomon 1:6).
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