* Confront other sins your sexual addiction has been fueling. Recognize that, when you’re caught in sexual addiction, it soaks your heart in evil that leads to sins of other kinds, such as lying, stealing, cheating, and compromise both at home and at work. Pray for the courage you need to be completely honest about sins in all aspects of your life. Confess your sins to God and also your accountability partner or people in your support group, dealing with each one specifically. Repent and do what it takes to be reconciled to those you’ve hurt. For example, if you’ve lied to your wife about other issues besides your sexual behaviors, do more than just apologize. Work to rebuild trust in your marriage. If you’ve stolen from your employer, repay the company the full amount. If you’ve neglected your kids, give them significant amounts of your time and energy from now on and fully express your love to them.

* Descend into the valley of your heart. Know that, in order to truly have “mountaintop” experiences of joy and peace, you must first go down into the valley of your heart to confront the sins, lies, wounds, and distorted perceptions that lurk there. Confess all of it, one part at a time, repent, and accept the forgiveness and grace God offers you. Remember that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ. Ask God to give you the faith you need to believe that He loves you deeply, and to embrace His love and receive it into your heart.

* Heal from sexual abuse. If you’ve been sexually abused, seek God’s help to go through the forgiveness process so you can get the poison of bitterness out of your heart. Acknowledge the reality of what you went through, and process your thoughts and feelings about it in safe relationships with the people who are supporting you as you break free of addiction, plus a professional counselor or pastor if you’d like. Express your sorrow and pain fully; don’t be afraid to cry or yell or journal your feelings. Realize that God can transform even the worst suffering into something good. Ask God what you can learn from your suffering that will help you grow as a person and equip you to minister to others. Remember how deeply Jesus suffered while He was on Earth, and know that He identifies with you in your pain. Understand that Jesus loves you regardless of your past; ask Him to help you overcome shame. Choose to forgive the person who abused you. Don’t wait until you feel like it, because you likely never will; realize that you need to decide to do so and rely on the help God will provide. Write a letter of forgiveness and either read it aloud to the people who are supporting you in the healing process, or mail it to the person who abused you.

* Heal from father wounds. If your dad was either physically or emotionally absent or neglectful during your childhood, pursue healing for the wounds that left on your heart. Pray for God to guide in the healing process. Face the truth about what happened and how it has affected you. Cultivate authentic friendships with other men who will accept and love you in spite of your faults. Allow yourself to grieve what you lost because of your flawed relationship with your father. Write your thoughts and feelings in a journal. Talk with your accountability partner or support group about what happened and ask them to pray for you in specific ways. Write a letter to your dad explaining how you were wounded, expressing your forgiveness, and blessing him. Pray about potentially mailing the letter to your dad if he is still alive.

* Accept God’s love. Recognize that God’s love for you is completely unconditional. Stop the futile effort of trying to earn it and embrace the fact that you are already worthy of it because God says you are. Understand that it’s impossible to sin too much for God to love you. Stop trying to pass a test and simply accept the gift of His deep love for you, no matter what.

* Accept God’s grace. Welcome God’s grace to help you move from brokenness to wholeness. Realize that God gives His very best, and that His grace outshines even your worst sin. Know that God’s love cannot be earned or deserved, and that your sin doesn’t stop God from loving you. Understand that God’s grace doesn’t nullify His holiness or remove the consequences of sin, but He patiently meets you where you are, even if you’re trapped deep in sin. Trust that God will gently restore the broken pieces of your life, and shower His love on you. Expect God to continue to seek you. Choose to see God as He truly is – a kind and loving God who is willing to give you undeserved favor if you turn to Him. Know that you can approach God, no matter what you’ve done or how ashamed you feel. Make pursuing God your top priority in life. Do whatever it takes so that nothing else distracts you from developing a closer relationship with Him. Celebrate the fact that God has given you a gift much more powerful than anything sex can offer you.

Adapted from The Road to Grace: Finding True Freedom from the Bondage of Sexual Addiction, copyright 2006 by Mike Genung.  Published by Blazing Grace Publishing, Colorado Springs, Co., www.roadtograce.com.  
Mike Genung, a former porn addict, is now the director of Blazing Grace, a ministry to those who struggle with sexual addiction.  He has published articles on the topic, leads and helps others set up support groups, speaks, and is a co-host of the Blazing Grace Radio show.