Sometimes I learn things in strange ways. And I annoy the people around me because I get so excited about the things I learn and the weird ways I learn them that I just have to tell all about it. For example, I had a couple of thoughts the other day while watching an episode of CSI. My first thought was, “Never eat while watching an episode of CSI.” My second thought was, “What if you could do a forensic investigation on a soul?” That question reminded me of King Saul. I know; it’s weird. Stay with me.

The story of King Saul holds a strange and gnawing fascination for me. It covers miles of emotional ground. Some average guy finds out one day that he is king. I love that. Who among us hasn’t stapled a paper crown together and walked regally around our first grade classroom? Most of us secretly want to be king one day, and if it comes suddenly and as a surprise—all the better! That’s exactly what happened to Saul, son of Kish. He wasn’t in line for kingship for several reasons. He was from the wrong tribe. And more significantly, up until that point, Israel wasn’t ruled by a king. Saul was raised up out of total obscurity and given a unique opportunity to be a mighty man of God and a blessing to his people. He could’ve been great.

Most men that we think of as great aren't. Mostly they’re just high achievers. But the Bible never commands anyone to be a high achiever. It never tells men to amass great fortunes, build tall buildings, or wield great power. The Bible records one ultimate purpose for us: to love God (Matthew 22:37–38). This love will naturally work its way out into a number of behaviors, like Bible study and obedience. However, the first priority, our most important goal, is to deeply and wholly love God. In addition to that, fathers are to pass this deep love along to their children (Deuteronomy 6:5–7). That’s the true measure of greatness. Whatever else we do is gravy. I’ve been almost ready to do that for a long time, but I’ve always felt that I needed to grow in a few areas before I could really become a man of God.

I’ve always felt that I didn’t have quite enough to be a godly man. I’ve had a feeling that if God would bless me greatly, that would be the turning point for me. Then I would turn around without hesitation and start doing great things for God. Maybe you’ve thought that, too. If I were a better physical specimen, I would be imposing for God. If I were rich and powerful, I could do so much for the kingdom. If I were gifted spiritually, I would serve others gladly. Perhaps on the top of my list, what I really want is for God to actually communicate clearly and verbally, directly to me! If He did, I would do anything for Him. I would obey God so well, so bravely, so passionately. At least I think so. King David had all of these gifts, and he was for the most part a wonderful, shining example of a godly king. On the contrary, every one of these gifts were first given to Saul, son of Kish, but his knees buckled under the weight. He was crushed by the blessing.

It is only fair to give Saul his due. He wasn’t the worst king Israel ever had. I would even argue that to the average man on the street, he would have to be considered in the top five of Israel’s better kings. He didn’t amass numerous wives (think David). He didn’t marry foreign wives (think Solomon and Ahab). He didn’t build and then worship idols (think of a bunch of others). To his credit he achieved quite a bit. He fought against the Philistines, and he actually built a working kingdom where none had existed before. King Saul was a high achiever. But even with all of these achievements, Saul was a spectacular failure in God’s eyes.

Let’s be the CSI team assigned to the disaster that is the life of Saul. Let’s do the forensic investigation. If we were to zoom in to the soul of King Saul, we would find it underdeveloped, emaciated, and diseased. Now a first-year forensic investigator of the soul might conclude that this resulted from all of the rebellious sins Saul had committed. The older, wiser, and more seasoned investigator would know from experience that though sin can cause this kind of damage, in the case of King Saul, total spiritual negligence warped his soul into this pathetic condition. One day while studying this story, I realized that King Saul is the absolute embodiment of the lukewarm believer. He was neither the vilest nor the most wicked king of Israel. He was uniquely... lukewarm. That’s what scares me the most about the story of Saul. I would like to think that I am a little bit like King David. But truth be told, I am more like Saul. I am tempted to be lukewarm.

King Saul was given direction, authority, and divine power to complete his task. But with one initial exception, he saw only what was physically in front of him. When the enemy gathered and he was completely outnumbered, he did not see God’s plan or trust God’s control. He only saw the enemy, and he panicked (1 Samuel 13:6–14). That’s understandable the first time out, even the first few times. God doesn’t mind our panic. I daresay He wants us to be panicked occasionally, because it’s what we do next that makes all the difference. God wanted Saul to see no way out, to know that nothing on earth could save him that day. God wanted Saul to fall at His feet and pray for guidance, to humbly cry out for deliverance. If he had done that, if Saul had run into the arms of God, his battle would have been miraculously won, not by Saul’s strength but by God’s. From that experience Saul could have chosen to change. He could have felt his spirit being nourished as he praised God for His faithfulness. His heart would have been strengthened by deeper knowledge of the nature and character of God. And his soul could have swelled in size with the faith that God would win even more battles in the future. None of this happened in King Saul. This guy makes me crazy! He simply never gave his whole heart to God. That’s exactly what it means to be lukewarm.

How could Saul miss the point so spectacularly? How tragic. How very much like us. We get so scared, so distracted, and so angry. Situations are out of control, and we don’t know what to do next. Actually we do know, but we just don’t like it. It’s really not that complicated. We are to humble ourselves before the God of Jacob. That’s hard to do if we are virtual strangers to Him. But if we love Him, if we delight in Him and trust His desires for us, humbling ourselves is the only reasonable response. We are to pray with humility for guidance, and however it comes, even if it’s not in the direction we want, we humbly stand up like men and obey. When we do, our souls breathe deeply. When we let go of our selfish and silly dreams of prestige and position, we are free to take the risks that are required of a man of God. The more risks we take, the more we will see God make something beautiful out of our mess. Then we’ll be willing to risk even more.