This raises the next question: Why did God command that we find gratification for our sexual desires only in marriage? To the best of my knowledge, God does not give us a direct answer to this question in his Word, nor is he obligated to. Sometimes God leaves the wisdom of his commands for us to discover by experience. Those who disobey him discover it through tragedy. Those who obey discover it through patience and joy.

The way I have tried to understand God's wisdom and love in limiting sexual intercourse to marriage is by asking, "What is it that distinguishes marriage from all other heterosexual relations?" The biblical answer to that question is that marriage is distinguished from other chosen relationships by its permanence. Marriage is a commitment made for a lifetime, till death do us part. 1 Corinthians 7:39,

A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. If the husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.

There is no other relationship between a man and a woman requiring that kind of permanent commitment. Therefore, in marriage God has designed a unique and stable and lasting relation for our most intimate expression of love. I believe experience confirms that something good and beautiful is lost from our sexual intimacy in marriage if we gave ourselves away outside that union. God can forgive that sin, but the scar he does not remove. The act will never be the same again. There is an inexpressible deepening of the union of marriage, which God intended, when a husband and wife can lie beside each other in perfect peace and freedom and say, "What I have just given you I have never given to another." I speak to those for whom it is not too late: Do not throw that away.

I find it helpful to use the analogy of Jesus' words in Matthew 7:6, "Don't cast your pearls before swine." It is possible to debase the truth by dispensing it willy-nilly. There are some truths that are too precious to be discussed in hostile, worldly settings. That's the way it is with our bodies, too. Nobody dispenses his bodily affections indiscriminately. You don't shake hands with all the people you nod to. You don't hug all the people you shake hands with. You don't kiss all the people you hug. And I would argue that there is a pearl of great value, a pearl of emotional, spiritual, physical intimacy, which can only be placed in one container without being debased and ruined, and that is the strong, permanent velvet-lined case of marriage. The unique, personal sexual fulfillment in the permanence of marriage for those who have kept themselves pure is one of the best explanations for why God limited the gratification of sexual desires to marriage.

The implication of all this for the single person with average sexual desires is not easy. Even if a person gets married in his early twenties, he is confronted with a preceding decade of sexual stress. And for those who remain single, whether by choice or not, the problem of handling sexual desires continues much longer. What help can we give to these people, among whom I include everybody from thirteen years on up who is unmarried and yet feels desires for sexual stimulation and gratification? My main burden for you in this category is that you glorify God in your bodies by keeping yourself free from any enslavement, except to God. In Romans 6:16 Paul said,

Do you not know that if you yield yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness?

And in 1 Corinthians 6:12 the proud Corinthian libertines said, "All things are lawful for me," but Paul responded, "Yet I will not be enslaved by anything." The meaning of that little interchange is that it is possible to be enslaved in the name of freedom. That is the situation in the world today. In the name of sexual freedom, we are a nation enslaved to our sexual cravings. If you want to know what a nation is hooked on, just observe what the media masters use to get and hold our attention. Sex sells everything. It sells movies, cars, furniture, clothes, booze, news, cigarettes, and sporting gear. Sex sells because we are a nation enslaved to the second, third, and fourth look at the body in the picture. But it shall not be so among you, because you have been set free from sin and are now enslaved to God. Therefore, glorify God by keeping yourself free from the enslaving forces of the world.

Ten Words of Counsel for Single People

I have ten words of counsel for persons who are not married but who have to deal with sexual desires. Some of these have a masculine orientation because I know the male temptation firsthand but not the female. Some are dos and some are don'ts, but all aim to be positive in that they are intended to help you preserve your freedom from any enslavement but God's.

First, do not seek regular sexual gratification through masturbation, that is, the stimulation of your own self to sexual orgasm or climax. Masturbation does not solve sexual pressure for very long, it tends to become habitual, it produces guilt, and it contradicts the God-given design of sexuality. Our bodies and desires were designed for the sexual union of persons, and masturbation contradicts that design. But perhaps worst of all, masturbation is inevitably accompanied and enabled by sexual fantasies in the mind which we would not allow ourselves in reality and so we become like the Pharisees: well scrubbed on the outside, but inside full of perversions.