After the sermon I talked with another married guy, a former missionary who told me that his wife leaned over to him and asked during the homily, "Are you attracted to other women?" He bravely answered, "I find other women attractive when I'm not sexually satisfied at home." These may be tough words to hear, but they are true for many men. To pretend like they are not is to deny reality and the real heart and struggle of many men. We ignore them at the expense of healthy families.

My goal isn't to beat anyone up. It's to make a difficult situation better by pointing out the real problem and then offering solutions that speak to a man's life. So here's a sample script of what I wish the good minister would have added to his homily in order to help fix this problem we face.

"Now ladies, I want to help you as well. As we both know, your husband's sexual desires don't exist in a vacuum. They are tied to you as well. You can help your husband in his battle for sexual purity by doing what you can to become the object of his sexual desires.

I know that sexuality is a complicated and combustible topic. So an admonition to one couple may not apply for another. I also know that when men get grumpy and rough around the edges that they can be as attractive as an IRS payment.

"But at the same time, I know that many Christian men want to be more attracted to their wives and yet their wives don't sense the gravity of their situation. Let me tell you about an excellent resource and see if it might apply to your marriage. It's called Intimate Issues: 21 Questions Christian Women Ask About Sex. You can pick it up at most any bookstore. Women who read it say it really helped them put their husband's sexual needs in perspective. Let's close in prayer."

Why isn't this real, truthful, and gracious addendum added to most church services when we discuss a married man's sexual temptations, a man who is usually sitting next to his wife at the time? Because it's outside the box. It's not part of the official script. It doesn't sound "Christian," and it runs the risk of offending a minority of prudish women who desperately need to be offended for their own good and the good of their families. The only minister who I have heard who has worked such thinking into a sermon is T.D. Jakes. I'm sure there's more, but it's safe to say that this important message is not as common as it needs to be--that is if we're serious about men attending church, which I'm not convinced we are.

Spiraling church attendance is what happens when you do not speak to who men really are and what men really need in order to mature spiritually. Perhaps this decline is what happens before a better direction is forged. A Good Guy Rebellion direction.

Let's blaze this new path, each of us in our own way using whatever gifts and resources we have before us today. Be warned that you may gain a few enemies. But unlike in years past when Christian Nice Guys made people mad because they were weak and passive, they will be ruffling feathers because they are good and strong. Jesus said to pray for our enemies. He never said we couldn't (or wouldn't) have any.

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Paul Coughlin is the author of No More Christian Nice Guy and a soon to be released companion Study Guide. He and his wife Sandy are the authors of  Married But Not Engaged: Why Men Check Out and What You Can Do to Create The Intimacy You Desire, due out in July from Bethany House. Visit him online at www.christianniceguy.com