Know that if your mom labels you in a way that upsets you, you don’t have to just accept that negative label. Instead, you can put it into perspective by asking yourself: “What indicates this belief is true? Where is the evidence? If I were to ask three friends if this is true, what would they say?”, “What’s another way of looking at this situation? What’s an alternative response?” and “If there is truth in this belief, what do I want to do to correct it?” Think about the rules (both spoken and unspoken) your mom taught you about life, such as: which subjects should be discussed and which should be off limits; when it’s appropriate to discuss certain subjects and when it’s not; who to associate with and who not to; what your family would or wouldn’t do; how you’re supposed to act around the opposite sex and friends of your same gender; how you’re supposed to act at church; and how you’re supposed to feel about yourself, school, and work. As you consider these rules, think about which of them you’re thankful for, which you wish you’d never been given, which rules are still guiding your life, and which rules you’d like to give up following now. Practice changing any unhealthy messages your mom gave you to healthy messages that reflect your own decisions as an adult.

Resist criticism and control. Stop worrying about trying to earn your mom’s approval. Realize that the only approval that ultimately matters is God’s approval. Recognize that your mom’s personality and parenting style may be drastically different from your own. Understand that it’s futile to try to change her; decide to accept her for who she is. If your mom hurts your relationship by criticizing or trying to control you, choose to either leave the situation, ignoring her, anticipating her moves and changing the subject, or honestly discussing your concerns with her in a firm yet respectful way. When talking with her about behavior that bothers you, seek simply to convey information rather than condemning her. Be specific and make it your goal to try to resolve the issue. Whenever your mom criticizes or attempts to control you anyway, don’t get defensive or counter attack. Instead, remain confident and calm. Simply agree with any truth in what’s she’s saying (or the possibility that what she’s saying is true), without offering her any response beyond that. Just repeat your same statements if she pushes the conversation further. Give up arguing with her. Remember that if you’re at peace with yourself, you can deal with your mom well and confront bothersome issues without alienating her.

Manage anger well. Face any anger you have toward your mom instead of denying it or apologizing for it. Think about the reasons behind your anger. Ask God to help you identify the root causes of your anger (such as fear, hurt, or frustration). Consider how you express your anger – in healthy or unhealthy ways. If you have a habit of expressing anger in destructive ways (such as by yelling, blaming, or attacking), seek healing from God to learn how to direct your anger toward constructive outcomes.