Editor's Note: The following is a report on the practical applications of Susie Shellenberger and Kathy Gowler's new book, Here for You: Creating a Mother-Daughter Bond that Lasts a Lifetime, (Bethany House, a division of Baker Publishing Group, 2007).

You long to enjoy a close relationship with your daughter, but sometimes it’s hard even to get her to talk to you. Despite your best intentions, a strong mother-daughter bond won’t just happen. You have to work to build the relationship you desire with her.

The effort is vitally important, because you’re the most influential teacher your daughter will have. A close bond with you will change her whole life for the better.

Here’s how you can create a close bond with your daughter:

Lighten your load. Realize that if you’re calm, your daughter will be more likely to relax around you. Manage your schedule to reduce unnecessary stress that can leave you exhausted and grouchy, harming your relationship with your daughter. Before committing your time or energy to something, think and pray about whether or not it’s truly important to you. Don’t be afraid to say “no” to new endeavors, and to cut back on your current activities to free you to enjoy time with your daughter more. At least once a week, make time to spend at least an hour doing something that refreshes you personally (reading a book, going to lunch with a friend, etc.).

Tune in to what’s going on in your daughter’s world. Understand that the better you know your daughter’s world, the better you can connect to her. Get to know what’s important to her, and why. Know her friends well. Familiarize yourself with what’s currently considered cool in teen culture. Realize that many of the other teens she knows are likely facing troubling issues such as divorced parents, alcohol or drug use, eating disorders premarital sex, gender confusion, self-mutilation like cutting, abuse, pornography, or suicide. Acknowledge all your teen is dealing with every day, and determine to be a safe person she can run to whenever she’s overwhelmed.

Walk your daughter through the doors from childhood to womanhood. As your daughter’s body changes during puberty, talk with her about it. Give her straight answers to all of her questions. Help her resist society’s pressure to grow up too fast; encourage her to enjoy the beauty of her innocence and act her true age. Set clear rules about issues such as entertainment choices, clothing styles, makeup, boy-girl parties, and dating.